Sin Whinny
by quixoticenigma003
Summary: Luna had gotten her wish. An entire city to rule as she saw fit. It was Celestia's test. A test to see what kind of ruler she could be. She quickly found out. Welcome to Luna's City. A city where there is no day. A city where technology is years ahead of the outside world. A city where all races are welcome. Especially those that thrive at night...
1. Chapter 1

**Sin Whinny**

Prologue

Luna had gotten her wish. An entire city to rule as she saw fit. It was Celestia's test. A test to see if she had truly reformed. A test to see what kind of ruler she could be. She quickly found out.

Within weeks of the proclamation, the citizens of Whinnyappleous, were treated to a visit from their new monarch. A visit which turned out to be permanent. Luna gave a grand speech telling the citizens about the beginning of a glorious new age for Equestria. A new age that would begin here. The public cheered.

She went on to say that from this day forward, since she was the Princess of the Moon, that her new home city would reflect that. And so time itself would be sped up inside the city limits to remove the day. From dusk that day the city would be one of eternal night. This the public did not cheer. Many of them left in droves. Luna expected that.

It was shortly thereafter that posters and advertisements began appearing in all of the populated hubs of Equestria. Offers of new beginnings in Luna's new 'city of night'. The offer of good paying jobs, and new homes with low rents pulled the lower middle class in in droves. Luna expected that as well. This was what she wanted. Ponies who were hungry for a better life. Ponies who didn't care whether it was daylight or dark.

But it wasn't just ponies that Luna invited. She extended her offer to any and all intelligent species. Griffins, Diamond Dogs, Minotaurs, Dragons, even Changelings. All were welcome in Luna's city. Her vision, she said, was of a "Harmonious future, where all races stood as equals". This statement was greeted by many as the true essence of friendship that Celestia had been speaking of for years. Only a minority took it as a rock being thrown toward her sister, who only seemed to be concerned with the pony race.

What wasn't remarked upon in the beginning, was the long term effects of the passage of time inside Luna's city. With time passing twice as fast inside her dome of night, it meant that all of Luna's various projects were coming to fruition in half the time as they would have on the outside. Within twenty years 'suntime', the city of Whinnyappleous had undergone technological advancement far ahead of any other city in Equestria.

Luna's ideals of 'clean, safe, sources of energy', had led to the wonders of M.I.S. (Magically Induced Steam). All it took was a simple water boiling spell that any unicorn could perform, to power any and all steam driven turbines.

Soon there were free transportation for all, from city run steam buses. All home and streets were lit by steam driven electric generators. All Luna ask in return was that once a year, each ponies donated just a few of their bits to pay for the labors of the ponies who dedicated their time to maintaining the spells. This the population agreed to gladly. It was the least they could do to show their appreciation to all those who made their lives easier.

The next great advancement was ponaudio. From a tall metal tower that stood on the top of Luna's new castle, ponaudio waves could be broadcast to any ponaudio receiver within the city limits. And Luna provided receivers for free to all the citizens. All she ask in return once again, was just a few bits per year to pay for the upkeep of all the equipment, and once again the citizens considered it a small price to pay for what they were given in return. At any time of the night, any pony could turn on their ponaudio and be greeted with a variety of entertainment. Audio dramas, and comedies, sales at their favorite stores, and music of every type. All for free.

Yes, on the surface of it, it seemed Luna had done it. As far as the majority of Equestria knew, she had created a utopia of easy living in a city where all species coexisted side by side in peace and harmony. Her popularity had risen higher and higher. The side effect of this of course, was that Celestia's popularity had begun to decline. But Celestia sat unperturbed inside her castle at Canterlot, she knew from experience that things were seldom as they appeared on the surface. And in this, SHE was right...

Chapter 1

Sundays Aren't Fun Days

It was Sunday, four in the secondnight. The absolute worst time of the secondnight, on the absolute worst day of the week. Meh, why did Luna even still call it 'Sun' 'day', there hasn't been either one in over twenty years. A human once wrote that Sunday four in the evening was 'The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul'. I hate humans. Won't try to deny it. Round 'em all up, and send them back through the portals I say. But just this once, I'd have to agree with one.

I was sitting in my office. The spring of my well worn office chair creaking faintly as I rocked it back and forth, with just a hint of impatience. This earned me a glare from my secretary, who was using the magic of her horn to remove what I dearly hoped to be only metal slugs from my side.

The slugs, painful as they were, were not the main thing on my mind at the moment. Neither was the tooth sitting on my desk that had formerly resided comfortably inside my lower right jaw. In my line of work these things are considered an 'occupational hazard'. I'm a private eye, if the magnifying glass on my flank didn't tip you off.

There's about a hundred or so of us out there. Well, a hundred or so from week to week. Some of us drop off the grid, some of us fall victim to those 'occupational hazards' I mentioned, but always there's some young buck or filly, bright eyed with a sense of justice, who comes along to fill their gumshoes.

In this city, it only takes a month or so to weed out these optimists. Either they cut and run for another, safer, city like Manehatten, or Fillydelphia, or they stay on and become hard and bitter. I've been a P.I. here for ten years, if THAT tells you anything.

I flinch involuntarily, as my secretary/nurse lifts another bullet out of my side with her magic. For the hundredth time I silently thank Luna that she still sticks around.

"I swear Johnny, this is the last time. The last motherbucking time!" she says, her eyes brimming with tears as she works. It's those tears that hurt me worse than anything those diamond dog goons could do to me. Tears that spill for my sake. Tears I don't deserve, and never will.

She stops working and let's out an involuntary gasp. I can tell it's something bad. And I'm pretty sure I know what it is.

"Wood?" I ask, trying to keep my voice even.

"Yes," she replies, trying to regain her composure. "It's going to be bad Johnny. I'm sorry."

I take a long pull from the bottle of hard cider that sits on the edge of my desk, wait a moment, and then have another.

"Do what you have to do, Ori." I say, stroking her mane.

Wooden bullets. Gods I hate diamond dogs. Leave it to them to develop the most nasty type of slug to use in one of Luna's M.I.S.P.P.L.'s (Magically Induced Steam, Portable Projectile Launcher). A simple metal slug leaves a nice neat hole in front, (not so much out the back), but those sun damned diamond dogs came up with a wooden one with a small crystal shaft in the center that splinters as it enters the body. It's almost always non lethal, but it's a bitch to remove. You have to cut all the little jagged hunks of wood out. Luna's policing force have taken to calling them 'spite rounds'. This was going to hurt. A lot. Buck you, diamond dogs.

I try not to think about it. Instead I focus on the mane of my secretary, one of the few ponies I can trust in this night cursed city. Ori was pure class. As the alcohol finally starts to kick in, my thoughts drift back to the night we met.

I used to play piano at a local nightclub (in this city, they are ALL nightclubs), before I managed to get my P.I. license approved for work in Luna's city.

She came into the club late one Friday secondnight. I knew immediately that she was new in town. She kept looking at the patrons. Not staring at them, for which I gave her credit, just looking at them, surprised to see them all in one place. It was the usual crowd for a Friday. Lots of earth ponies, (the majority of ponies who took up Luna's invitation for a better life), a few unicorns like myself, and one or two pegasi who were slumming for the night. But it was the bars other patrons that had caught her attention. There were two minotaurs arm wrestling in a corner. A changeling chatting up a particularly lovely griffin, several diamond dogs were getting fresh with one of the waitresses, who responded by dumping a pitcher of cider over the fat one's head before stomping off. There was even a human sitting in a corner table with something I couldn't even identify. It looked like a large round ball of pink fur. He (the human that is), was actually a semi-regular, and one of the biggest jerks I ever met. But he was fair about it. Hated his own race as much as any other. And it was for that reason that he was the only human I even came close to liking.

I knew why he was here. One of his friends was singing tonight. In the old days she was a real big deal. But like Luna, she had reformed. I heard that she and the human and that pink thing, had recently moved to the city. Later when I asked him why, he said it reminds him of home. I refrained from asking why he didn't just go back there... like I said, I almost liked the guy.

Anyway, Ori walks into the bar, looks around for a bit, goes up to the bar and gets a drink. By this time I get the nod from the stage manager, and start playing the opening number as the curtain parts and Queen Chrysalis walks slowly out on stage. She's wearing a low cut, sinfully red evening gown, with sequins. As the opening bars of 'Unforgivable' come spilling out of my piano, she begins to walk out into the audience.

She looks at all those assembled before her and smiles lasciviously as she sings,

"Unforgivable,

That's what you are,

Unforgivable...

Tho' near or far.

Like a lingering taint that clings to me,

How the thought of you, does these things to me.

Not ever before,

Has someone been more...

Unforgivable,

In every way...

And forever more,

That's how you'll stay...

That's why, darling, it's so regrettable,

That somepony so unforgivable,

Thinks that I'm...

Unforgivable, too..."

As the interlude begins, she starts making her rounds from table to table, her form changing to whatever each patron she approaches wants to see the most.

"Howdy Diamond Jim," she says to the fat diamond dog, who recently received a cider bath. "How's the luck tonight?"

"Ruff," Jim replies, earning him a laugh, and a smile.

"And how about you big fellah," she says, approaching a huge muscular Pegasus, with tiny wings. "Having a good time?"

"YEAH!" he shouts in reply.

"That's good, just don't pop a vein on me now," she says toying with his mane, causing the completely white Pegasus to blush crimson.

She trots back onstage as the interlude ends to finish,

"Unforgivable...

In every way,

And forever more...

That's how you'll stay.

That's why, darling, it's so regrettable,

That somepony so unforgivable,

Thinks that I am...

Unforgivable, too..."

A thundering of applause resounds off the walls as Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, takes a deep full bow, all the while sucking in the excess love and adoration of all those around her. Beside me I hear the rustle of fabric as someone settles into the single seated table that the barkeep wedged in beside the piano, to get that one last extra bit from a customer. A quick glance to the side informs me that it's the new girl from the bar. What's more, she seems to be looking more at me than at the stage. Interesting...

"You play quite well," she says, sipping her drink. Something with more fruit in it than alcohol.

"Thanks," I say, still more focused on what I'm doing than what she's saying.

"I'm Ori by the way," she says, trying to keep the conversation alive.

I miss a note for the first time that I can remember. Not that I haven't heard more unusual names than hers. You'd be amazed at what some parents will do to their children. No, see I got this thing, a talent. I can always tell when someone is lying to me. It doesn't matter what species they are, or how good at it they've become, it's just something I know. This comes in real handy in my current profession, and in my REAL profession as well.

So when this fresh of the bus young thing sidles up to me and says her name is Ori, and that little voice in my head starts saying 'she's lying' and 'telling the truth' at the same time, it catches me off guard. VERY interesting...

"They call me Johnny," I say by way of reply.

"Well Johnny," she says, "would it be terribly forward of me, if I offered to buy you a drink?" She asks, trying to sound casual about it.

"Sure," I say, "if you are still here when I finish my shift." I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, trying to gauge her interest as I continue to play. She offers up a smile, and turns to watch the show.

Between sets we engaged in small talk, 'what's a nice mare like you, yadda, yadda,' neither of us really saying anything. It was more about the body language. And with a body like hers, she could have been speaking zebra and I would've got the message. Finally after what seemed like a week, my shift ended. As I rose from my piano stool, she rose with me, grabbing her coat.

"What about that drink?" I ask. I was actually looking forward to trying that fruit filled concoction that she had been nursing for the last few hours. It was making me hungry. "Why don't I make you one at my place?" she says.

Suddenly my appetite increased dramatically, and the fruit became optional. I started toward the door, but she stops me with a hoof on my arm.

"Is there another way out of here? She asks. "Something more... discreet?"

Oh ho, somepony cares about their image. Doesn't want to be seen strutting out with the piano player. My eyes drift over her once again. Her rich mocha coat, eyes like emeralds, that dark brown mane, and an ass you could bounce a ten bit coin off of.

"Sure," I say. "Allow me to escort you to the stage door in back." Hey, I got no shame. If this dame was any hotter, the sprinklers would go off.

We emerged into the back alley. The sole source of illumination was the light directly above the door. No sooner had the door closed and our hooves hit the cobblestones than a low guttural voice emerges from the darkness.

"Annnd gotcha." it says.

From the deeper gloom of the alleyway a middle aged diamond dog in one of the most tastelessly tacky suits I've ever seen, moves to the edge of the circle of light thrown off by the streetlight above. Flanking him on either side are two other diamond dogs. These specimens are about a foot taller, bulky and muscular, and by the looks of things about as bright as the alley they emerged from. Their naked brutish forms just screamed 'goon'.

Standing where they were, at least a lunge and five paces out of reach, you could tell they had done this before. Not to mention that they were blocking the only way out of the alley. Well, the only way out of the alley for THEM.

Their appearance had an immediate effect on my companion. "B-but how did you find me? I was sure that no one followed me here." She said, her voice desperate.

The older diamond dog in the back merely tapped the side of his nose.

"Lady," he says, his eyes drinking in the sight of her. "You may be long on looks, but you gotta be short on brains. This nose has been tracking your scent ever since you left dat apartment you been stayin at. Now word has it that you been sticking YOUR nose, where it don't belong. My boss, he don't like that. He's a real PRIVATE kind of guy. So he pulls me inna his office and asks me real nice like if I, and a couple of my friends, would be so good as to track you down and kill you, just as a warning not to do dat no more. I'm like sure, nothing good on the ponaudio, so here we are. Now your friend here, him I got no steer with, if you wanna go, then go. Or stay and play da hero, and we kill youse too. I'm good either way, take a minute an talk it over."

By Celestia diamond dogs are stupid!

I whisper to Ori, "when I give the word, just teleport out of here."

"I-I'm not really good at that." She whispers back in a frightened tone.

Oh for the Love of Luna, the things I go through to make the 'plot' thicken.

"Fine," I whisper back, "just stay put 'till I get there," I say, and then I do something very few unicorns can do. I teleport someone else away, and stay where I was. This DID NOT sit well with my new friends.

The dog in back rips his fedora off his head and throws it down on the ground in front of him, stomping on it in anger. Really, it can only improve the look of it.

"You dirty no good yeti bucking son of a goat!" he says, reaching into his blazer and pulling out a large caliber M.I.S.P.P.L., and pointing it in my direction.

I am insulted. Some of my former friends were goats. As for the yeti thing, well... it was a party... and it was dark... and I had too much cider... Way too much cider...

"My young friend, two things are about to happen." The poorly dressed dog was saying. "First, you are going to tell me where you sent the dame. Then, we are going to kill you... A lot."

"Shouldn't that be OR you're going to kill me a lot?" I ask.

"Look wise ass," he says, losing his patience, "evidently you don't know who you're dealing with. There are worse things than being beaten to death. I'll have youse know that I am the right paw dog for da 'Butcher' himself!"

Oh Luna's Sweet Nethers of Darkness! So much for just teleporting away.

"Really?" I say, sounding impressed. I concentrate for a moment and silently teleport, but not too far. The next thing Mr 'fashion sense' feels is the cold brass muzzle of my M.I.S.P.P.L. pressed against his cheek.

"Well I'm Carmane Santihaygo... Guess where I am?" I say, before splattering the wall with diamond dog brains and really cheap cologne. As his headless body falls to the pavement I quickly move directly between the two goons.

"Hi fellas, how's the health plan?" Almost as if they were operating with one mind, (which is half a brain more than I gave them credit for), they raise their own weapons in unison, and point them at either side of my head. As their paws squeeze on the triggers I teleport back to my original position, just in time to see a large hole appear in each of their chests. "Sheesh, apparently it's great." I add.

Gods diamond dogs are dumb.

I take a few moments to take stock of the situation. In Whinnyappleous there is a short list of beings that you did NOT get on the wrong side of. Luna was at the top, but 'The Butcher' was only four names lower. He was almost an urban myth. No pony knew his real name, or where his base of operations was. But he was here, in this city. All the carnivores in the city knew about him, when they wanted meat, he was the only game in town. And it was widely known that Pony was definitely on the menu. They say life is cheap in Manehatten, heh, in Whinnyappleous it was sold by the pound.

I look at the mess around me. Not too bad. No way to hide the scent trail that led them here, but in about thirty minutes when all the performers leave, they'll be no way to pick out mine and Ori's scents. Going to have to clean up the bodies though. No help for it, I'm going to have to do something I shouldn't. I case the rest of the alley to make absolutely sure there is no one to see what I'm about to do. Even a career homeless would go screaming to Luna's tower if they witnessed what was about to occur. Once I am satisfied I'm not being watched, I unleash the 'Creeping Death' spell on the corpses, and again on the brain splattered wall.

Now the slow version of this spell causes a slow and agonizing death to the victim, as everything organic it comes in contact with disintegrates into free oxygen. It's amazingly good for interrogation. I used an accelerated version, that quickly removed all traces that the trio were ever here, except for the few non organic items that they had been carrying. I threw the belt buckle and zipper from the cheap suit in a nearby trash can, kept the guns, and then stopped still, looking at the golden mound left over as the last of Mr. 'fashion sense' dissolved into the ether.

Holy crap! Holy Goddess Crap! Bits. LOTS of bits. Lots of high denomination bits. Hell, I'd never even seen a five hundred bit coin before, let alone a PILE of them. There was far more here than for a simple hit. I was looking at a pile of blood money pure and simple. The payoff for ponies lives. Lives that were turned into food for diamond dogs, and wendigo's and... humans. By all the gods, THAT was what I hated about humans the most. A lion, or Ursa, or even a diamond dog was just following it's nature. It was born a carnivore, it HAD to eat meat. But a human... A human had a choice. They could chose a vegetarian lifestyle if they wanted to. And I heard that on the other side of the portal some of them do. But I have yet to see one of them in THIS city chowing down on a hayburger. Sick twisted bastards every one of them. CHOOSING to consume the flesh of other animals. It sends a shudder down my spine just thinking about it. I looked down at the pile of shiny clean bits, I could practically hear the wail of lost souls drifting up from it, crying for justice. Then I scooped them all up and stuffed them in the pockets of my suit. Well of course I kept them. Lost souls don't need to pay the rent, and I had an identity I needed to establish, but if it helps, I felt really bad about doing it. Besides that I had the feeling that some of this was going to be needed for a large bribe very soon.

I did a quick scan of the area, made sure I didn't miss anything, and then teleported home. Ori was still there, good. She was sitting quietly on my thrift store sofa, trying to compose herself. I wasted no time shattering that.

"You set me up!" I accuse, startling her. I learned quiet teleportation as part of my training before I came here. Like the 'Creeping Death', I've found it very useful, especially when you want to catch someone off guard. I expected a denial from her, or maybe her bursting into tears, instead I get the truth. Or at least that's what the thing in my head was telling me.

"Yes, I came to that club to see you specifically. And yes, I knew those thugs were after me, but you have to believe me, I DIDN'T know that they followed me to you."

That last part rang true, and it calmed me down somewhat.

"Alright. Let's say I believe you. Why were you coming to see me of all ponies, I don't know you, never set eyes on you before. Believe me, I'd remember. And how in Luna's Darkest Night did you get on the wrong side of 'The Butcher'?" I ask, as I fall bonelessly into the chair across from her, the adrenaline rush from recent events finally beginning to ebb away.

"I am on," she says, almost dramatically, "a mission from Maud."

I wait a moment, expecting more. When I don't get it, I force myself to ask. "Okay, and who is Maud?"

"You don't know?" she asks startled. "I assumed you did, it was her and Celestia that told me to make contact with you when I got here."

"Celestia?! Oh hells no," I think to myself. "She wouldn't. No, no way. There's no way that she would jeopardize all that work, all those months of training and sacrifice, all the effort to get me in here unnoticed just to help out some charity case." I was apparently lost in mental rage for longer than I thought, because the next thing I hear is.

"Are you okay? Did you remember something?" Ori (and that name is still open to debate), asks, her voice sounding concerned.

"It's nothing," I say shrugging it off. "Look just tell me from the beginning. Why are you here?"

"Alright. It's simple enough. A little over a week ago... suntime, I guess is your term for time passing on the outside, or a two weeks ago darktime, if you prefer." she says, trying to appease. I wave her to continue. "Anyway, my younger sister decided to move to the city. She kept seeing all the pony propaganda that Luna was displaying all over Equestria. After our father Apple Butter, died in the last Changling 'peacekeeping initiative', our mother Maud, moved us back to the family farm. Now I'll be the first to admit it was boring, but to my younger sister who had only known the high society of Canterlot, it was positively stifling.

She would spend hours every day trying to persuade mom to move back. But mom could be as stubborn as a rock at times. She wanted nothing more to do with the Canterlot that she blamed for taking her husband away, and she was determined that her daughter was going to have no part of it as well. It was not long after that posters and fliers had begin to circulate about what was going on in Whinnyappleous. In almost no time Cocoa, that was my sister's name, changed her focus to the idea of starting over here. She tried and tried to get mom to leave, but she remained adamant. As far as she was concerned, the farm was going to be where she stayed until her dying day.

Well, like I said, a little over a week ago 'suntime', we woke up to find that she had gone. She left a note saying how much she loved us, but that she was moving to Luna's city. She told us she would write as soon as she was able. Mom became frantic with worry, and so did I. Cocoa was barely older than a filly, and she was going to try to make it on her own in an unknown city? She had to find her somehow, so she called up her sister."

"And who was her sister?" I ask, interrupting. She looks at me like I have lost my mind.

"Oh come on now. You HAVE to know who her sister is! Every pony knows Pinkie Pie. One of the six heroes that defeated Nightmare Moon, Queen Chrysalis, Discord, Tirek. What, were you raised under a rock?" She asks me scandalized.

Finally the bit dropped. Maud PIE, sister to Pinkie Pie. No wonder Celestia got involved. Aside from being heroes, those six were her personal friends. She'd never refuse a request from one of the six. And Ori here was a blood relative of one of them.

"Ori isn't your real name." I asked, taking a stab in the dark.

"Well, kind of," she replies. May real name is Shea. Shea Butter. But I didn't want to use my real name here in case my sister was trying to hide from us, so the name I registered as was Ori. It means the same thing." She adds.

"That explains it," I think to myself. That's what the thing in my head was reacting to. It's kind of like the 'Derpy, 'Ditzy Doo' thing. But she'll always be Derpy to me... seven more years, just seven more years...

I shake myself from my thoughts, "go on," I say.

"Well, two days after my mom contacted her sister, a letter arrived from Celestia herself. She told us to make contact with you once we go to the city, and that you would take care of the rest. That you were good at this sort of thing." She looks over at me as I facehoof, silently cursing Celestia. "Well, mom had been getting on in years, and Whinnyapplous was a long way from the farm, even by train. So I told her that I could handle it on my own." She eyes me critically for a moment. "Now before you say anything, I'm no frail filly. I was born and raised on a rock farm. I'm plenty strong and tough. Strong as any full bred earth pony." she says proudly.

I shake my head. Why does every pony from mixed parents feel the need to prove themselves? "So then what happened?" I ask, diverting the subject.

"Well, mom was reluctant at first, but she knew that unlike my sister, that I could take care of myself. I made my way to the city, registered as Ori, and found myself a place to stay. Now looking back I probably should have looked you up as soon as I got here. But well, I wanted to at least TRY to find her on my own. Just a few days, I told myself. If I couldn't, then I would come and find you.

So I started my search, asked around the bus hubs, and restaurants, showed pictures of her to Luna's policing force. With no results. On the second day I started checking the less reputable places, the liquor stores, and the night clubs, just on the outside chance that some pony had seen her. It was while I was asking patrons in line outside of a club, that a voice called to me from an alleyway. There was a homeless pony just outside of the lights from the street. He had seen my sister! Two days ago she had stopped and given him a few bits for soup. My sister always had a kind heart. But, the pony said, as she had left, he saw that she was being followed by some very tough looking ponies. He said they worked for somepony called 'The Butcher'. I asked him more about this 'Butcher', but he shark away from me, and just said "you stay away from him missy, he's bad, real bad. If your sister got mixed up with him, then she's already dead."

Now I became alarmed. I thought the worst that could have happened to her was that she was out of work, maybe without food or a place to stay. I had no idea that this city was so... dangerous. Well, now that I had a lead, I started making inquires on where I could find this 'Butcher'. That was yesterday. This morning when I was coming back from breakfast I saw those three toughs outside my apartment. That's when I knew I was in over my head, and came looking for you. You weren't home when I finally made it to the address that Celestia gave mom, but your landlady told me where you worked, so I came there. I was going to wait until you got off work and came here to tell you all this, but they were waiting for us. You know the rest."

I nodded. "They probably got tired of waiting, and busted in your place. Once they had your scent, they just circled around until they picked it up and followed you here."

"What am I going to do? Those goons will just find me again. I have to find my sister!" she says frantically.

"Calm down. Calm down." I reply soothingly. "You don't have to worry about those three any longer. They are gone, and won't be back," I tell her truthfully. (Well unless you count accidentally breathing them, in the air).

I get up and walk to the fridge. I buy my hard cider in bulk, saves time and money. I pull out a half gallon jug, grab two mostly clean glasses and pour us a drink.

"I-I'm not really a heavy drinker." she says, accepting the proffered glass in spite of her words.

"Just sip it, it'll help calm your nerves," I say. "Just sit here for a little while, listen to the ponaudio if you like." I say indicating the set on a side table. "I'm going in the other room and get in touch with my boss. Then after that, I'll see what I can find out about your sister." I tell her this and feel bad. I already know what happened to her sister. But if I just tell her, without doing ANYTHING, then she won't believe me. And besides, I really did want to have a few words with my boss. I make sure she understands how to work the ponaudio, and then make my way into the bedroom and lock the door.

I sit at a small desk next to my dilapidated bed, both also from the nearby thrift store, and begin to write.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that diamond dogs were really, really stupid, and also that they have no fashion sense.

Also, WHAT THE BUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!

Are you TRYING to blow my cover? Do you WANT to get me killed by the 'Butcher'?

I've got a clueless half unicorn sitting on my sofa who thinks I'm going to somehow find her sister for her. The only way I'm going to find her sister at this point is if I buy up all the illegal hamburgers in town and do an identity spell on them! And now, NOW, I'm going to have to contact 'The Butcher' and make sure he doesn't put a hit on me, oh, and somehow get him to call off the one on the still living sister.

SERIOUSLY... WHAT THE BUCK?!

P.S. Thank you for the muffins, they were delicious as always. Please deduct the price of a red velvet cake from next weeks pay stipend and enjoy it.

Yours under threat of death,

D."

I reach into a drawer in the desk and pull out a simple white candle. I place it in a holder on my desk and light it. Moments later I let the letter burn, as the magic of the candle sends it directly to Celestia. I wait, watching the flickering of the candle flame. Within five minutes, the flame rises as I get my reply.

I deftly snatch the letter out of the air with practiced ease, and by the light of the candle I begin to read.

"Dear Tenacious D,

Yes, diamond dogs can seem to be silly creatures at times from a pony perspective, but they are as the creator made them, so one shouldn't make disparaging remarks based on their nature. That being said, feel free to make disparaging remarks on INDIVIDUALS as you see fit.

Also, I'M YOUR BUCKING BOSS! THE DAY YOU GET WINGS TO GO WITH THAT HORN AND A CROWN AROUND IT, THEN YOU CAN RUN YOUR MOUTH! UNTIL THEN IT'S

"YES MA'AM, NO MA'AM, MY YOU ARE CERTAINLY LOOKING YOUNG AND SEXY TODAY, PLEASE HAVE SOME BUCKING CAKE!"

"Look my lovely, I was asked to do this by Pinkie Pie herself. And before you say a word, yes, there may or may not have been cake involved. But the point is, there was no realistic way I could turn down her request for help. And if I sent anyone 'official' inside, it would draw attention to our operation, and risk upsetting the apple cart. So be a good little colt, and sort it all out wont you? Now just this once, because it's a favor, I have added an extra thousand bits to your account, which you can withdraw immediately as needed to smooth over matters with 'The Butcher'. He's been on THE LIST for awhile now, but you are not allowed to 'do anything' about him until our objectives are met. After that however, I will add a rather large bonus to your account the moment his name is checked off it.

Oh and another thing. DO NOT sleep with the sister. I'm serious about this. She is a blood relative to one of the six, and under no circumstances is your bloodline allowed the chance to mingle with one of theirs. To make sure you take me seriously on this, CIRIX METRAXIS ENUM."

Oh, that sneaky flying rat. I look down as the spell lifts off the page, activated by my reading it, it moves down to my arm and the runes of previous spells flair into visibility. Painlessly the new spell weaves itself into the pattern that already exists, and then they all fade away. I return to reading.

"Hah, by ME you are sooo easy! That was an addendum to your death spell. You now have an INCENTIVE not to sleep with her. If it really becomes a problem, I've enclosed some pictures to make things easier for you. ;)

P.S. Thank you so much for the cake. In your next shipment of muffins, expect some wonderful coffee beans that one of my traders has found in a place called Jamareca. I think you will find it to your liking.

Thinking of you fondly,

DJ Big Momma C."

Ooh, new coffee, I perk my ears up. She certainly is a thoughtful malicious flying bitch queen. Now I need to do something really nice for her for her next birthday. Hmm, what do old ponies like? I causally glace at one of the pictures she sent. My face goes beet red. Apparently what old ponies like is the same thing YOUNG ponies like. Freeow! That's a keeper...

Tucking the letter and pictures under my mattress, I silently teleported three blocks away and thirty feet down. I was on the 113th street undertrain station platform. The undertrains were another wonderful innovation of Whinnyappleous. Fast moving steam powered trains that ran underneath the city itself. Below the train level was the vast network of the Whinnyappleous sewer system, and below THAT was 'The Shaft'. The Shaft ran vertically straight down over a mile and then branched out into the vast network of the copper and tin mines where the materials for all of Luna's steam powered technology came from. I had no intention of going any lower than I was though. I was looking for someone, and it only took me a moment to find him. Actually, it looked like he had spotted me first because he was making his why through the crowd in my direction, when he got to the edge of the stairway where I was standing he carefully began tucking the wallets and coin purses he picked up along the way into the many pockets of his tattered coat. He was the only pony I knew whose cutie mark was that of a hoof with a bit stuck to it.

"Evening Easy," I say. Much like myself that isn't his real name, but in his case he just liked being called 'Easy Money'.

"Johnathan! To what do I owe the pleasure of such esteemed company?" He says by way of return. I shake my head. Even after all these years in Luna's city he still talks like the Hayvard professor he used to be. Why he is here as a common grifter is a mystery I never solved. His I.Q. is off the chart, he could name his post in either Celestia's or Luna's cabinet, and I told him as much. He just laughed at me and told me he was EXACTLY where he was always meant to be. Thing is, he said it with such certainty and conviction that I have to assume he must be right. I mean hey, he's smarter than I am, whose to say he isn't right?

"I need a favor Easy. A bad nasty, really wish I wasn't about to ask for it favor. And you are the only pony I know who can get it done." I say grim faced.

"That's not a good look for you Johnathan." He says shaking his head. "That's the look of fear combined with altruism. The first is good and healthy in this city, the second will get you killed."

"Yeah, I know, but I got no choice. By proxy I am on..." Jeez, this time I was the one pausing dramatically, "A mission from Maud."

This caused an immediate reaction from my friend. Without another word he grabs the lapels of my jacket and drags me deeper into the shadows. "Maud Pie has a mission for you of all ponies?" he asks in disbelief. "Whole story. You, spill, now." He says piercing me with his gaze. Over the course of the next few minutes I tell him the whole thing, excluding the parts about Celestia, my real job, and my 'special' abilities. He listens intently, only interrupting to clarify certain points. I lie when I have to, he knows when I do, he also knows that if I am lying then it's because I have to, and I know he knows this. Conversations between the two of us invariably end with me getting a headache, he of course has no problem keeping up.

"So, let me see if I can deduce why you have come to me," He says finally. "You need me to get word to the Butcher that A. He wont have any more problems from a certain curious young mare. B. Three of his henchmen will no longer be returning. C. That you are both VERY SORRY for any inconvenience that you have caused him, and D. If he would be so kind as to let both matters drop, that a large cash gratuity would shortly find it's way into his possession. Does that about sum things up?" he asks.

I simply nod in agreement.

"The only question I have left is how large a gratuity are we talking about? The goons he lost wont really bother him, he has more goons than he can count... literally. I mean they just keep breeding down there... however the loss of face, now THAT he wont like. I'm not sure you can afford the cost of forgiveness on this one." He says sadly.

I name an amount. It's the entire thousand Celestia gave me, as well as over half the blood money I found on the bodies. I still had enough left over, if I was smart with it, to finance my Detective Agency. Of course that all depends on what happens in the next few hours. "And he isn't really losing face," I add wheedling, "his goons said that the hit was just a warning not to go snooping into his business. I think we can safely say that it won't ever happen again." Well, not that The Butcher will ever know about it, I think to myself. Something must have shown on my face, because Easy gave me one of those long looks of his.

"Riiiight." he says. "Well, putting it that way, and giving the rather generous amount of compensation that I will in no way inquire as to how you came to posses. I think that it might be enough for you to squeak by."

"When will I know for sure?" I ask. I don't want to be pushy, but until I know otherwise, I have to assume I am in some pony's cross hairs.

"Meet me here in say, two hours. I'll either give you good news, or a head start." Easy reaches out a hoof and shakes mine, his hoof comes away with one of the five hundred bit coins I recently acquired. This isn't the safest thing I ever asked him to do, and it sure isn't the safest thing I ever did. Technically speaking The Butcher didn't know a thing about me. The easiest thing I could have done was kill the goons, take the money, teleport back home, kill the dame, and fugeddaboudit. And maybe if my training had stuck better that's what I would have done. But there's this annoying thing in my head that forces me to be stupid. It starts with a 'C' and ends with me needing a long drink. So with nothing else to do I teleport back. I open my bedroom door and return to the living room, an excuse ready on my lips for what has taken me so long. Turns out I didn't need it. What I did need was to go to the fridge and get out another bottle of cider. This was due to the mysterious disappearance of the entire half gallon that I had left out on the table. It didn't take a massive amount of my detective skills to deduce that the culprit was most likely the unconscious mare sprawled across my sofa. Apparently Miss 'I'm not really a heavy drinker' had 'sipped' away an entire half gallon of Granny Apple's Black Label. From the way she was sawing wood, she'd be out until secondnight the next day.

I sat down in my recliner, cool cider in my glass. I took a long pull and regarded my sleeping companion. She shifted her rear in such a way as to draw my attention. I had... a very impure thought. The runes on my arm flared a sickly green. Oh buck me with Tirek's horn! Celestia had been serious! She actually tied my death spell to this dame. I felt... well... violated. That death spell was a very personal thing. Between me and the princess. To whore it out to just any pony that came along... Ori shifted in her sleep again. The runes flared... again. BUUUUCK! I still had the better part of an hour and a half to go. Part of me was hoping that the Butcher refused my request and sent a hit pony along to the meeting just to put me out of my misery. I turned away and stomped back to my room, got out a pen and parchment and began to write...

"Dear Sick Twisted Sunbitch..." An hour and ten minutes later I finished with "...the gardener, the Canterlot Philharmonic, AND my third grade magic teacher... SIDEWAYS!" I glanced at the time, crumpled up the entire letter and destroyed it with my magic. Hell no I wasn't sending that to the princess... Deep down she was a really sweet and caring pony... plus, she could kill me on the spot... slowly.

I teleport back early. Find myself some deep shadows and wait. Easy comes back a short time later. I make sure he hasn't been tailed, and then reveal myself.

"Fortune smiles on the faithful and the foolish." He says with a smile.

"And I am?" I can't help but to ask.

"YOU are the third thing... lucky." He says still smiling. "Naturally I didn't speak to The Butcher himself. But I got word to a guy, who got word to a guy, who knew a guy, that could get word to a guy..."

"Stop...please," I say holding up a hoof. "If you do the whole thing at some point we will have gone through the entire city census. Long story short."

"You and your friend are free and clear. Long explanation short, He seems to think that one of the boys you vanished had been skimming off the top. It didn't take him long to realize that the money you are offering as a bri- I mean gratuity, was probably his to begin with. One might almost say that you did him a favor." Easy says, letting the word hang.

I knew a double edged sword when I saw it. I hold up both hooves and respond, "no, no. Nothing of the sort. Even is what we are, very clean and even. No favors of any kind are due." This seems to have been the right response, because Easy let's out a huge sigh of relief.

"You my friend, are very wise for your age. I will relay your message back up the line. I'm sure he will be as happy to see the end of this matter as you are." Easy says patting me on the shoulder.

"Somehow I doubt that very much." I say. "Now to go back home and figure out what I am going to tell the mare that is sleeping on my sofa."

Easy cocks an eyebrow, I shake my head, his eyes widen for a moment in surprise. Before he can say anything smart, I teleport home. I seriously need to work on my reputation.

The next day I fill Ori in on the events of the previous night, once again avoiding any mention of my boss. She was pissed.

"You PAID them OFF!" oh, yeah, she did pissed off really well. "What the buck is wrong with you? We had a lead, we could've gone to Luna's Policing Force. He's got my sister somewhere and tried to have me killed. You think I'm just going to walk away? Hells no! Where is this person you used to get word to The Butcher? I'm going to drag him back up that chain all the way to the top even if I have to do it dragging him by his D-"

"SHUT... UP!" I roar, loud enough to interrupt her tirade. She stops, shocked. "Now SIT DOWN!" I roar again. She sits down without thinking, barely hitting the edge of the chair. I can do pissed really well too. "Now take your hooves out of your ears and listen to what I have to say. Yes, I paid him off. I did that so we wouldn't be killed in our sleep. No, Luna's policing force wouldn't have lifted a hoof to help us because 'officially' no such being as The Butcher exists. And even if he did exist, he has enough people behind him to turn this city into a war zone if Luna every tried to remove him. And HE isn't even the most dangerous being in this city that would get involved if a war broke out. Your sister," I start to say, and then change gears. "I'm sorry Ori, but your sister is long dead." I expect her to break down at this point, but the only reaction I get is a firmly set jaw, and a look of grim faced determination. I know that look, she isn't going to let this go.

"And what about you?" she asks, catching me off guard.

"What about me?' I reply, honestly curious.

"You aren't a bad pony. You saved my life. You went to bat for me and bribed them to let us go. You didn't have to do that, you could have just walked away. You aren't going to just let this go are you?" she asks, looking into my eyes, searching for something. She wants to see justice, vengeance, righteous indignation... something that I just don't believe is there anymore.

But then I feel it. That spark. That pure blue white light that has burned inside of me since before my parents died and left me all alone on the streets of Canterlot. Buck me, it's still there... After all this time, and all the crap I've slogged through, it's still there... And then the whole world moves inside me.

"No." I say, it comes out as a whisper. "No," I say again louder this time. "No I ain't just going to let it go." I return Ori's gaze, and I feel something inside me that shakes me to the core. I say the stupidest thing I have ever said since I came to this city. "I promise you Ori, I can't tell you how, or when, but he WILL pay. I will bring his entire sick twisted meat eating organization down on his head. And then when he knows his ruin, only THEN will I kill him." It was a crazy, childish, foolish thing to say. I meant every word of it. Somehow I would find a way. Leverage, bribery, Hell maybe just a big bucking bomb in his train car, but somehow I knew I would find a way to succeed.

Ori decided to stay. Oh she went home, explained things to her mother as best she could. They held a funeral minus the coffin at the edge of the woods on Maud's family farm. Ori asked me to go with her, so I did. I met Maud, and the Pies, including Pinkie. It was the first time I ever saw her, even in pictures, with her hair down. It made my heart hurt. Celestia was in attendance. After the funeral was over I made my excuses and Celestia teleported me back to the castle for a visit. By the time I left we were both in better spirits. I took a train back as far as I could, enjoying the sunlight. It had been many years 'darktime' since I had seen it. It was warm and good. I could almost feel the taint of the city burning away in Celestia's loving light. But I knew I had to go back. I now had more than one duty to fulfill. I told Celestia about the promise I made, and she gave me her blessing. The Butcher moved higher up on The List. I had picked up a few new spells that had come out since I had been away, and I was looking forward to trying them out.

I met Ori, a day later. She was packed and ready to go. We teleported to the outside of Whinnyappleous. The huge dome of night blotted out the skyline as far as we could see. I had been gone long enough that I didn't want to go back. But I had a job to do.

See the thing is, Luna isn't evil. She isn't Nightmare Moon. She genuinely believes in what she is selling. A city of peace and harmony. With technology to make every pony's lives better. She wants it dark in there? Well, that's her aspect, it's not so bad, many beings prefer the night. But just like anywhere else, where there is a system, there will be beings who seek to exploit it. I have counterparts in Manehatten, The Crystal Empire, Canterlot, even Ponyville. Highly trained operatives, with specific objectives. It's hard, it's dangerous, and the rewards are few and far between. But we WILL save this world, and kick ass while doing it...

"That's it, all done," Ori says wearily, tossing the last shard of wood into a bowl on the desk. The wounds in my side close as Ori's healing magic does it's job. She's learned a lot since she's got back. It makes my job a lot easier. She begins to sterilize my missing tooth, preparing to restore it to my jaw. This isn't going to feel good either. I take another pull of cider, and let my mind drift off to what got me into this condition in the first place...

Was it only a week ago? Gods it seems so much longer. Of course it really IS longer inside the dome, but after awhile nopony notices. I was sitting behind my desk working. At Monday nine in the firstnight, that meant eating a muffin and drinking coffee. I'm a bit tight with my bits, I'll admit it, but not when it comes to food. My coffee was real Jamarecan Blue Mountain coffee, and my muffin was a Derpy's Big Blueberry, imported all the way from Ponyville. By the Gods that mare can bake! I fully intend track her down, woo her, and marry her, as soon as my age catches up with hers. (Seven more years, just seven more years).

The name on my office door reads 'Johnny One Note- Private Investigations'. That is not my name. Never has been. The name that I used to get into this city was Johnny Appleseed, which caused one of the humans at the immigration desk no end of amusement for some reason. I used to play piano at a local nightclub (in this city, they are ALL nightclubs), before I managed to get my P.I. license approved for Luna's city. The 'One Note' got added after a particularly bad bar fight in which both my fore hooves were broken, and one of my forelegs. There wasn't much of Luna's peace and unity that night, especially for the minotaur that did it, heh, not after I got done kicking him in the coconuts until he could hit that one really high note.

My secretary Ori came into my office...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Royal Treatment

Was it only a week ago? Gods it seems so much longer. Of course it really IS longer inside the dome, but after awhile nopony notices. I was sitting behind my desk working. At Monday nine in the firstnight, that meant eating a muffin and drinking coffee. I'm a bit tight with my bits, I'll admit it, but not when it comes to food. My coffee was real Jamarecan Blue Mountain coffee, and my muffin was a Derpy's Big Blueberry, imported all the way from Ponyville. By the Gods that mare can bake! I fully intend track her down, woo her, and marry her, as soon as my age catches up with hers.(Seven more years, just seven more years).

The name on my office door reads 'Johnny One Note- Private Investigations'. That is not my name. Never has been. The name that I used to get into this city was Johnny Appleseed, which caused one of the humans at the immigration desk no end of amusement for some reason. I used to play piano at a local nightclub (in this city, they are ALL nightclubs), before I managed to get my P.I. license approved for Luna's city. The 'One Note' got added after a particularly bad bar fight in which both my fore hooves were broken, and one of my forelegs. There wasn't much of Luna's peace and unity that night, especially for the minotaur that did it, heh, not after I got done kicking him in the coconuts until he could hit that one really high note.

My secretary Ori came into my office. She was looking pensive, not a look I was used to seeing. Before I had a chance to inquire, she spoke up.

"You have a visitor, in the waiting area. She says she wants to hire you." Ori said, in a nervous tone.

Ori had settled in well as my assistant. She was good at her job, and more importantly, she was sharp. Given a year or so and she'd be capable of running the place without me, and that included the legwork (there's a pun there, but I can't touch it without runes flaring menacing on my foreleg). So when she comes into my office looking unsettled, it's enough for me to pay attention.

"What's got you spooked Ori?" I asked. "Is she giving off a bad vibe. We're flush at the moment, so if you don't like the look of her, just send her packing.

"No can do boss." She replied, her manner becoming brittle, "One does not send the ruler of the city 'packing'… it's bad for business." She adds in gallows humor.

Ruler of the city? HERE? Luna, Princess of the Night, ruler of the Dark City of Whinnyappleous, and one of the most feared and respected beings on Equestria, was here…in my ramshackle office… wanting to hire me… oh this was bad… really, really, bad.

I took my feet of the desk, and wasted a few moments trying in vain to make both myself and my office presentable. Although I knew it was a waste of effort, my body went through the motions anyway, as my mind ran a mile a minute trying to figure out why, out of all the ponies in the city that Princess Luna had come to me. There were at least half a dozen PI's with longer runs, and better reps, than myself. And nicer offices too, I reflected, looking around at the thrift shop furniture that I had been so proud of acquiring only months before.

Well, there's no help for it Ori. Please send the Princess in." I said with a reluctant sigh, as I settled back into my chair, facing the door. I waited, my nerves on edge, as Ori made her way back into our tiny lobby. I had an idea why she had singled me out, but I hoped I was wrong. I couldn't afford a conflict of interest between her and my 'boss'. Such a thing could end up with me very, very dead. I had no other choice but to sit there and just hope for the best. Moments later there she was. Princess Luna herself, in all her glory.

Ponies always make a habit of underestimating her. She's younger and smaller that her sister Celestia, and, let's face it, cuter. But what they all fail to realize, is that she is still thousands of years old. And has spent those thousands of years immersed in the politics of royalty. She plays the game on a level that meant that a raised eyebrow could cost some pony their head in the old days. She's so sharp that you could cut yourself on her gaze if it turned on you the wrong way.

She settled into the chair opposite me without waiting to be asked. A breach of etiquette, a bad sign. Then she smiled at me, and every alarm bell in my head went off all at once. It took all my pose not to visibly wince at her. This was the smile of a hunting cat that had cornered a small mouse which had just somehow inexplicably found itself covered in tuna flavored catnip. I fought a sudden urge to squeak…

"Johnny One Note, what a charming name. Or is it Appleseed," she adds nonchalantly, "or perhaps…" she begins, as she slides over a folded slip of paper.

Without preamble, I unfold it and glance at what is written on it. Three simple words. My real name. A total of four living beings including myself, know this piece of information. Well, make that five now. I carefully fold the paper again, then eat it. Cinnamon flavored... classy.

"Ori, I want you to take the rest of the day off… with pay," I say. This is a bit of code between us, if I hadn't added the 'with pay' part, she would have left and come back with all the muscle and/or police she could rapidly lay hoof on. Adding the 'with pay' meant that everything was cool, but I needed some serious privacy. She has gotten to know me well enough to know that I keep certain parts of my life to myself, but that's all she knows about it. Which is good, cause I really like Ori. It would suck to have to kill her. Also, she makes really, good coffee.

She gives me the nod, and I wait until I hear the lobby door click and lock behind her, then I face my guest once more.

"All right your highness," I say, dropping all pretense. "You've proven beyond all doubt that yours, are in fact, the biggest. I choose not to ask how you found out that name, but I would like to inquire how many others know of it, just for my own piece of mind."

"No need to concern yourself on that regard Mr. Appleseed. May I call you Johnny?" she asks, I nod acceptance. "You won't need to go on any killing spree's, I got my information on you directly from my sister herself. We may have a mutual problem in the works, and after consulting her, she sent me to find you. She asked me to pass along the following message. She says as she passes over a much larger sheet of paper, also folded, sealed in wax with her sister's royal seal.

I broke the seal, and as I did so, I noticed a familiar, personal enchantment, which caused the runes on my foreleg to glow briefly. Well, if nothing else, I knew that the letter I held wasn't a forgery, only Celestia herself could do that. I began to read…

Dear favorite minion (at the moment),

If you'd bother to light your candle before bed, even briefly, I COULD have given you a heads up on my sister's upcoming visit. You're habit of only calling me when things have gotten completely out of hand is not only annoying, but also hurts my feelings. Don't you miss me? You'd BETTER miss me...

Anyway, Lulu came to me about a problem she has, that is remarkably similar to one of your most recent disasters. It seems one of AppleJack's relatives Babs Seed, has gone missing from the city. Sound familiar? Well, Applejack went straight to my sister, and she had her entire policing force, as well as the city's top PI's go over Whinnyappleous with a fine tooth comb, and none of them turned up anything. What's interesting is that even with hairs from Babs to use in location spells, there is still no evidence of her anywhere, and before you ask, that includes inside the food. Now perhaps it's only a coincidence that close relatives of two of the six heroes have gone missing in Luna's city, but if not, we could be looking at a situation. Consider this a chance for you to make up for Cocoa. I want you to help out my sister in every way possible until this situation is resolved.

Hugs, and kisses,

The Best Princess… Celestia

P.S. Hey, just for clops and giggles, ask sis if she still wets the bed… Go on, I diamond dog DARE you….

C.

My face goes beet red at the last, as I quickly fold the note.

"What?" Luna says, quick on the uptake. "What did she say? Did she say something personal again?" Wordlessly, I slide back the paper. I watch her eyes until she gets to the very bottom. I've never actually seen a princess go apoplectic before. It's a sight I won't soon forget. I also never saw a note incinerated with black fire before either. This I will ALSO not forget...

"THOU SHALT FORGET THY EVER READ THAT ADDENUM!" Luna says using the Royal Canterlot Voice.

I rub my ears uselessly attempting to stop the ringing. "Of course, your highness." I say, trying to sound professional.

"And in the outside chance you had wondered," she says, her voice returning to normal, "I have not now, nor have I ever wet the bed, that was always Celestia trying to put the blame on me. She'd switch mattresses with me with her magic, and then put on that baby kitten face, and mom just ate it up with a spoon. She's totally getting a mane full of fleas for her next birthday. But I digress…

In any event, my sister has told me about the tragic events that occurred with your secretary recently. And she assures me that if any pony can locate the missing Babs, that it would be you.

She passes me a slim manila envelope. "This contains all the information we have been able to gather concerning Babs, since her arrival in the city a year ago. There's not much to go on I'm afraid. I can only hope that you are able to find something that the others have missed. I am aware of the fact that you are… one of 'those' ponies," she says hesitantly. "I have no problem with you operating in my city. I have never had anything to hide from my sister. Feel free to go wherever the investigation leads you. Aside from information on Babs, you will also find inside that envelope a writ stating that you are working directly for me, and to allow you access to anything you need in my name. Consider it to basically be a key to my city. Turn over as many rocks as you need to bring Babs home safely," she says, steel in her voice.

I regard the envelope in my hand gravely. I spend a few moments considering my response. With her of all ponies, anything I say at this point will bind me, so I chose my next words carefully.

"Your highness," I say in measured tones. "I will of course do everything in my power to locate Babs. I'm sure by now that you've been advised on the fact that in most cases, when a pony goes missing in your city the body is made... unrecoverable." I hesitate over the last word. One doesn't simply tell their ruler that most of her missing subjects are turned into food for the carnivorous citizens that she is trying to integrate into her utopian society.

Luna looks at me sharply. "I am quite aware that my city has recently developed a 'rat' problem. Rest assured that extraordinary efforts are being made to quietly root out and remove ALL of these vermin from my city. I knew before ever inviting the carnivorous races to join my utopia, that they would continue to have the need for meat, but that meat need never have been that of a sentient race, of ANY kind." She says, her voice rising with anger.

Even without my special gift, I could tell that she was serious. I would really hate to be the 'Butcher' in the near future. "Your highness, I would consider it a great personal favor if, when you find that rats nest, you might offer me the chance in helping you with your... extermination efforts." Her eyes met mine. Looking into her sister's eyes was like staring into the sun itself. Celestia's radiance was blinding. But looking into Luna's eyes... It was like looking into infinity. There was a dark beauty there, a grace, and a strength that could be frightening. Oh crap... I was getting horny. What? I can't help it, I'm attracted to strong mares. Fuggeddaboutit...

"Done," she says with a satisfied smile. Apparently whatever she saw in my eyes met with her approval. "So how do you plan-" she began to say but my head jerked back in alarm.

No, this wasn't an expression. My office is shielded with alarm spells, set to trigger depending on certain situations. The ringing in my head told me instantly that hostile magic was being used against me. No time to think. "Princess, we're under attack!" I yell throwing myself into her and trying to teleport to the other side of town.

Now teleportation magic is something of my specialty, well that and destruction magic, levitation magic, tracking ma- look, lets just say I'm good at magic. Well, trying to teleport the princess was like trying to teleport Naga Parbat... Aww c'mon, you know... famous mountain in the Camelayas? Sheesh, what are they teaching in schools nowadays. Point is, she wouldn't budge, and by extension neither could I. I stood there, by her side as a ring of explosive devices suddenly appeared out of the air encircling the inside of my tiny office.

Buck me. I'm going to die. I closed my eyes, and waited for the end. I had enough time to think. "This is it. I'm REALLY going to die. But... I don't WANT to die. There are still things I never got a chance to do. See the world, write the great Equestrian novel, Triplets, I never got to bang triplets, oh buck me! Now I'll never get to marry Derpy, all those wonderful muffins... gone." I interrupted my own mental diatribe. "Why am I not dead? Shouldn't I be dead? Maybe I should open my eyes... But then the bombs will see me and go off." "Shut up you bucking moron, and stop panicking..." the more rational part of my mind insisted, "'then the bombs will see me', by the gods, you can be so stupid sometimes, open your eyes, you bucking idiot!"

I cautiously opened my eyes. I was still standing next to Luna, the ring of bombs still surrounded me in mid air. I un-cringed and looked around me in awe. The were moving, slowing dropping from the air, but incredibly slowly. Luna's doing, has to be. WOW!

"Sorry to interrupt your teleportation spell. But I thought we could gather more information, by examining the threat, rather than it's effects. This isn't the first assassination attempt made on me since my arrival." She says, as she walks closer to the nearest explosives. "Crude looking," she says. "I think this was more of a warning than anything. There isn't enough explosives here to ruffle my mane, let alone kill me." I look around at the ring of ten explosive packages, each with enough power to level half this building. I try to come up with something clever to cover the fan pony awe I feel at this moment for the princess standing by my side.

"Well, I really appreciate you not letting them destroy my office. Insurance is high enough as it is in this neighborhood." I say, as I move a hoof toward one of the devices. I noticed the crude mechanical timer on it's side as it strains to click over to the next second.

"I wouldn't breach the field if I were you," she says, staying my arm. "If you do, the spell breaks, and time resumes it's normal flow. I'm afraid you will have to gather what information you can from here." she says casually, as if she didn't just save my life... again.

I put behind me another burst of panic at having nearly died again, as my training kicks in. She was right, these things were crude. The timer's were purely mechanical, and the explosives were the type used in excavation. There was no way these were smuggled inside the city, Luna's border's were extraordinarily tight. And there was only one place inside the city they could have originated from.

"Undertown." I say in conclusion. "These were taken from the mines below 'The Shaft'." I say looking back toward the princess. She was standing stock still. Frozen in shock. "What is it?" I say, becoming alarmed. "What's wrong?"

At my words, she comes back to herself. "I was studying the magic they used to send these here,"she says. "I noticed something was odd about it. It is clearly a very crude version of a unicorn teleportation spell, but... but it wasn't cast by a unicorn. Or, if so, a unicorn unlike any that has ever existed. No, the... thing that cast this spell is an abomination, it shouldn't even exist." She shudders to herself and falls back into her seat.

What the bucking hells? Unicorn spells only work with the magic of a unicorn's horn. That horn acts like the ponaudio tower that sits on top of Luna's castle. It focuses magic from deep inside a unicorn's body. No other creature can use unicorn spells, it just isn't possible. I glance around me as a flicker of light catches my eyes. All the explosive devices begin to go off at the same time. I watch in morbid curiosity as they explode in slow motion. Like flowers made of fire, their blossoms open and begin to expand outward. Luna rises once more, and with a wave of her hoof they all vanish.

Curiosity got the better of me. "Where did you send them," I ask.

Luna gives me a very evil grin. "Let's just say, that it will no longer be necessary for me to gather fleas for my sister's next birthday."

Oh... Buck... Me... "I suppose I am going to receive a letter in the near future." I say falling into my chair, rubbing my temples.

"I would expect so," the princess says, her smile turning impish. "Oh, and when you do, please ask Sunny how that new diet is going... you know, since her secret cake room has just undergone radical renovations."

My jaw falls open. "No... you didn't... no, NO WAY... Not the CAKE room! It'll be war! She'll muster the legions! Fire will rain down from the skies! This place will be a flat plane of rubble strewn with salt! She'll-"

"Just have Discord fix it." Luna says, interrupting my panic. That's three panic attacks in one day. This princess seems hells bent on trying to give me a heart attack. Freow! And all this time I always figured it was the OTHER one that was going to be the death of me.

"Please keep me informed on the progress of your investigations," she says calmly, as she removes several candles from her clutch, and passes them to me. I hold one up. Midnight black, with tiny silver stars. Well, no way I'll mix these up with Celestia's.

"Of course," I say, regaining my composure, as I escort her to the door.

She turns to me before she leaves, "oh and be sure to put out all these candles you'll be using before you go to bed Johnny, playing with fire can be very dangerous."

The thought skitters across my heart for the barest of instants that the princess of the night may have just flirted with me.

"You do know how to properly extinguish a candle don't you Johnny?" She says, with that tiger's smile again on her face, "you just purse your lips together, and blow... on... the... wick." And with that the door closes, and I'm left with my own thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When You Go Looking for Trouble...

I waited the space of three heartbeats before I made my way back to my desk, and fell back into my chair. I'll say this much for the princess, she knew how to make a lasting impression. I took a sip of my coffee, now cold. I didn't care, even cold it's still the best coffee in the world, and I could feel it's caffeinated goodness cutting through the ebony fog left by my guests final words.

I regarded the slim envelope before me, but before I opened it, I took out a notepad and replayed the princesses visit from start to finish in my head. One of the things you have to learn as a detective/spy is to be able to spot what ISN'T there. The first thing I noticed was that the princess had traveled here alone. None of the Night Watch was with her. The Night Watch were originally her royal guard, but when she moved to the city and took over, she expanded them into her policing force as well. There was an academy adjacent to the royal palace. The best of the best were assigned to her personally, the rest were assigned area's of the city to patrol, they worked out of stations that were set up throughout the city. I have to give her credit, it was a good set up. The law abiding citizens felt safe seeing them on patrol, and the less than honest ones were at least somewhat deterred from plying their trade openly.

But none of the Night Watch were with her. That meant that this little endeavor was off the books. Which tells me that Luna was having trust issues with somepony. A fact worth remembering. Another little piece of evidence that supported this was that although she said she wanted to 'hire' me, no mention of payment was made. The moment she slid me the note from Celestia, I knew this was going to be on her tab and not Luna's, but it also lent credence that Luna wanted no record of our little visit to be on any of her books.

Next came the explosives that were used. Even if I didn't have a photographic memory spell sealed to my foreleg (among others), a pony just doesn't forget what death looks like when it's hoovering before his eyes. The bombs were crude, my earlier assessment was spot on, they were excavation explosives used in the mines. But I had noticed something else. There were scratch marks all around the timers and casings. Something with claws, who was unfamiliar with using those timers had been the one to set them. Which oddly enough ruled out my first choice of suspects, diamond dogs.

Diamond dogs, like earth ponies, made up one of the majority of species that immigrated to Luna's city. Luna's idea of treating every species as an equal had greatly appealed to them, and many others who had been treated, shall we say, LESS than well in the past. Whole packs had been hired at fair wages to different jobs throughout the city, but the majority signed up for what they did best. Digging. Luna had chosen her city well. Miles deep beneath it there were large deposits of copper and tin, as well as gemstones, and other metals. But copper and tin were what she wanted, so that she had a steady supply of bronze with which most of her steam powered technology was based. Iron and other metals corroded under constant exposure to steam, and silver and base copper were too soft. But the alloy bronze was perfect, not only was it cheap and plentiful, thanks to the mines, but when shined, it was quite beautiful as well. Before long, the elegance of bronze accents had begun to show up throughout the city, wherever it could replace other metals. Some ponies inside the city were already calling it the city of bronze, instead of the city of night.

So when the diamond dogs found out there was a need for miners, and that they would get paid with a generous portion of the gems they unearthed, the packs signed up in droves. Before long they had excavated their own living spaces underground, which they were allowed to use rent free. Not long after, this network of caverns became known as Undercity. Luna was quick to make it known however, that Undercity was still a part of her kingdom. And that all of her rules and guidelines would still be enforced. Some of the toughest and most experienced members of the Night Watch patrolled Undercity, but surprisingly it had one of the lowest crime rates in all of Luna's domain. Gradually ponies came to understand that most diamond dogs just wanted to be treated with the respect shown to every other sentient species. There were some bad eggs of course. But that could be said of any race, especially ponies. Still, old prejudices took time to shake, and my first instinct when I saw those explosives was to think 'diamond dog'. But say what you will, they knew there business. And none of them are clumsy when it comes to explosives, that's a fast track to retirement... permanent retirement. So I was pretty sure our would be assassin wasn't a member of their race. That left what? Eight or nine others that I could think of off the top of my head. Not really narrowing the field much.

Feeling like I had exhausted that line of thought, I finally opened the envelope Luna had given me.

The first thing I extracted was the writ she spoke of. True enough, it gave me clearance to go wherever I wanted, and even to confiscate whatever I deemed as 'evidence' in regards to my investigation. All nice and legal, with her royal seal. Oh, yes, there was temptation here. For a moment I felt like Trottum with the 'One Ring'. "Ah, my precious," I said, stroking the gold filigree of the paper for a moment, before removing the rest of the contents. There wasn't much here. A bio and a picture of Babs, some photos of her apartment with notes attached. A list of relatives, coworkers, and friends. A name on the list caught my attention. Someone I knew by reputation. I'd have to pay her a visit later.

I took out the picture of Babs and studied it. Nice looking earth pony. About late twenties in suntime years. Something about the eyes, she'd seen some things. Tough, smart, could take care of herself. At least that was what my gut told me. I looked though the bio. Lived alone, moved here from Manehatten three years ago suntime. Worked as a waitress at an upscale place called 'La Carrousel'. Gah, I hate Prance style cuisine. Clean record, never got into trouble. But something didn't fit. I was having the whole 'why was she here' vibe. There was something I didn't know. And I wasn't going to find out what it was from here. Time to hit the streets. Oops, almost forgot...

The last thing I did before leaving my office was to reluctantly check my messages from the boss. I always hated doing this when I haven't for a few weeks. All it takes is for me to accidentally miss just one of her messages, for her to start bombarding me nonstop with missives. Which, considering the fact that these candles were supposed to be for emergency correspondence only, seemed to me to be the height of hubris.

But, after all, she WAS the boss, and also I couldn't help but feel at the same time, that she must be lonely. Add to that the recent destruction of her cake room, and I couldn't help but feel obliged to make a call to her as soon as I could, which meant now. I proceeded to open each of the drawers in my desk in a certain order. After I closed all but the last one I heard a familiar click as one of the secret compartments of my desk slid open. This particular one contained a supply of Celestia's special white candles. I removed one, as well as a white gold candle holder from the drawer.

Normally what I was about to do, I usually did from the comfort and security of my apartment. But I had the feeling that home would be a long time coming today. I placed the candle in it's holder, and lit the wick. It was only a matter of seconds before the first missive arrived, followed a moment later by a second. I decided to wait until the flow of messages stopped before I began reading. I was pretty sure that most of them said about the same thing, except of course the most recent. I wasn't looking forward to THAT one.

Then suddenly, after the fourth message arrived, a huge gout of flame erupted from the candle and an expensive looking office chair appeared out of thin air and rolled across the floor on it's tiny wheels, finally coming to a stop on the other side of the room.

"What the hells?" I found myself saying aloud, as I stared wide eyed at the now unmoving piece of furniture.

I got up and made my way toward the chair, as more messages continued to arrive by candle flame. I had to admit... this was one gorgeous chair. Genuine manticore leather with deep cushions, and an assortment of levers designed to make it adjust to almost any position. It was quite possibly the most beautiful piece of furniture I had ever laid eyes on.

Was it a gift? Did Celestia send me a token of appreciation for all of my tireless efforts, and long years of devoted service? I was just reaching out a hoof to stroke the backrest when the smell hit.

"BLEEECH!" Oh by Celestia's Bountiful Breastplate that was just... straight... nasty... Gahh, it was like a civet cat was doing the 'bump n yowl' with a skunk on a pile of rotten garbage. What the hells kind of present was this?

I went back to my desk. The messages had stopped appearing. Starting with the first one I began to skim the contents. As I thought, most of them were just fluff, with a few useful bits of intel sprinkled in. Then I got to the fifth one.

Dear Mr. Too Busy To Write Me Back,

Don't know when you'll get this, but sorry about the chair.

I accidentally 'butt messaged' you by mistake.

You see, one of my guards, Root Beer Float had recently showed me this trick where you can light your f-"

I slammed down the letter onto the table... REALLY?! I forced myself to count to ten. Then I flipped the paper over to the blank side, and began writing.

Dear Smellestia,

You mean to tell me that out of all of your agents, and all of your students, you just happened to 'randomly' pick MY candle to use for your backfire experiments?! REALLY?!

Well, just so you know, I am totally keeping the chair. Expect a fumigation bill for reimbursement in the near future.

P.S. And you wonder why I don't check my candle more often? Who wants to take the chance of being randomly assaulted with smelly office furniture.

P.P.S. Btw, what the HECK have you been eating? Cabbage stew with a side of onions and garlic? DANNNG!

P.P.P.S. Aww, you know I don't mean it. That IS a pretty cool trick. (Still keeping the chair though).

Sincerely,

Tegens Meum Capistrum

I lit the letter and sent it off, and jotted down a note for Ori for tomorrow. 'New chair in my office, DON"T throw it out, just pay someone to have it cleaned. J.A.'

Then I quickly went through the rest of Celestia's correspondence. The next to the last letter was her warning that her sister was coming, and why. And the most recent was the one I had been dreading.

Dear Soon to be Dead Underling,

If you can spare a moment from your busy schedule, I would be very curious to know just why exactly, ten explosive devices were teleported into my refrigerated private cake room... DIRECTLY FROM YOUR MOTHERBUCKING OFFICE!

Thanks to you I now owe Discord a favor. Do you have ANY idea what THAT means?

You have exactly ten minutes to give me the best damn explanation of your life before I activate your death runes. HAVE A NICE BUCKING DAY!

Sincerely,

Nine minutes and counting...

I checked the time stamp on her message and looked frantically at the wall clock, then added the time difference for inside the city and I still had... FORTY-THREE BUCKING SECONDS?! AHHH! I quickly turned the page over and wrote as fast as I could,

Dear Sweetest, and Most Beautiful of All the Alicorns,

It wasn't me! Luna did it! I swear!

Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a motherbucking cupcake in my eye!

Really, really, don't want to die atm, still working on your case.

Please have Pinkie Pie make you an MMMM on me,

Sincerely...

hoping you can read this really fast.

I fired off the message as fast as I could, and tensely waited, looking at the clock.

As the final seconds ticked away and I found myself NOT enduring a horrible lingering death, I finally breathed a sigh of relief. Moments later one final message appeared.

Dear Loyal Subject,

The lesson we have learned today, is that one should always make a little time to talk with those we love and cherish. Because one can never be sure how many opportunities we may have left to do so.

After all, no pony lives forever, especially those that make a habit of PISSING OFF THE BOSS!

Sincerely...

Looking forward to that MMMM.

P.S. And it was extra spicy Appleloosan chili, if you really must know.

I slowly began rubbing my temples with my hooves. This was the life I led. If the bad guys aren't trying to kill me, my boss is trying to kill me. Gods, Twilight didn't know how lucky she had it. I was sorely tempted to reach in the OTHER drawer of my desk. The one containing a fifth of very hard cider, which usually came into play after reading letters from the boss. But I was on a case, and the legwork wasn't doing itself.

I spent a few minutes destroying the messages, and putting everything up, before I donned my dark gray trench coat and fedora and hit the streets. By the time I got outside a light rain had begun to fall. Unlike in the outside world, there weren't a lot of pegasi that chose to make their home here, so short of a major storm, Luna just let the weather take care of itself. I made it in time to catch the local steam bus. I settled into a warm, cozy seat in the rear, and let the 'chug, chug' of the steam driven pistons lull me into a state of relaxation. I looked out the window and by the light of the passing street lamps, I watched as ponies, and other beings went about their nightly routine.

This was something I could spend hours doing, just watching. (Gods, not like that you pervs.) It gave me hope for the future when diamond dogs and changelings walked down the street past ponies and zebras, and none of them even noticed each other. People, were just people here, no matter what their species. I couldn't help but think that Luna was on to something with this whole set up.

Before long the steam bus arrived at the corner of the block that Babs had her apartment on. I went to the front desk, and told the manager I needed the key to her place. In a glance I knew his type. Sour and self important. This was HIS building, and he was the 'man in charge'. After the morning I had, I didn't feel like playing the 'mine is bigger than yours' game, so I just flashed him the writ from princess Luna. Heh, that did it. Suddenly he's all smiles and apologies, and 'is there anything else I can do to be of assistance?' I was so very tempted to ask him to hop on one foot and sing the anthem of the Crystal Empire... you know, just to see if he'd do it. I mean he DID ask... but I had a lot of stops to make, and despite the joy it would give me, I just didn't want to waste anymore time. I let the frog hop back on his lily pad, and made my way upstairs to Babs's apartment.

I carefully removed the black tape with yellow stripes from the door, unlocked it, and let myself in, turning on the lights as I did so. The place looked the same as in the pics, everything all neat and tidy. Babs had even made the bed before whatever happened to her. I didn't waste time going through the same motions as the Watch. Luna was taking this seriously, so I was sure their wouldn't be any slip ups. Instead I came at it from the angle of 'what if this were MY place'. Devious bastard that I was, let's say I had something to hide. Where would I put it. Hmm... The three places all people think of are 'in', 'under', or 'behind'. Which is why I didn't look under the furniture, behind the pictures, or in the toilet, mattresses, or seat cushions. The Watch would've already done that. Let's see now, Babs was an earth pony, so no teleporting something inside the walls, or flying up to the ceiling fixtures. If she did hide something, it would be somewhere she could get to quickly if she had to, but somewhere the Watch wouldn't have thought to look. Then it hit me. Babs was from Manehatten. I went to her bedroom closet, sure enough, several sets of fancy looking shoes and boots were in the bottom. I picked the set that looked like it had the most use, turned them over and checked the heels. I was expecting one, but two of the heels were false. One had a key to a safe deposit box, and the other some spending money. No pony that has lived for long in Manehatten carries their bits around in plain sight. No, what you do is put a few in a cheap coin purse, so that you'll have something to give the nice mugger when you are invariably stuck up. If you don't have anything for the nice mugger, then 'bad things' will happen to you. Best to just pay a small 'mugging tax', and let the matter drop. If you have to carry money in Manehatten, you do what this street smart young pony did. My opinion of her went up a notch, as I added the key to my key ring.

I spent another hour casing the place in case Babs left any other surprises, but came up bust. I put things back the way they were and left, replacing the tape across the door. My plan was to let Ori dig around tomorrow to find out which bank that safe deposit box key fit. My next stop tonight, would be where Babs used to work. I returned the door key to the manager, who was still at his post. While I did, I got directions to 'La Carrousel'. Turns out it was only four blocks away. I exited the building and pulled up the collar of my coat, and decided to just walk there. I had only gone two blocks before I picked up a tail. No, I said 'a' tail, not a 'piece of'. I meant that I was being followed. And badly. Some pony was about twenty paces behind me, and every time I stopped so did he. And when I made an excuse to turn around, he was pretending to read a newspaper. Honest to Celestia he really was. Gods... The next side alley I came to I casually went into, then as soon as I was out of sight, I quietly teleported five paces behind him. He was a pale coated earth pony, with a black stringy mane. His cutie mark was hard to make out at this angle, but seemed to be a book of some kind.

As soon as he went into the alley, I tapped him on the shoulder with the barrel of my M.I.S.P.P.L. "Looking for someone pal?" I asked, leveling the gun at his face.

My would be stalker whirled around in surprise. He saw my gun and backed up against the wall next to him.

"W-what... um, n-no, I was just going for a walk." he said

"Riiiight." Sweet Luna, I was not in the mood for this. "Okay, just to save us some time, let's get the obvious out of the way. You were following me, and you suck at it. You were walking while trying to read a newspaper. Who does that?"

"Perhaps I like to read on my way home." The pony answered defensively.

"You were trying to read a newspaper, while walking down the streets of Whinnyappleous... IT'S BUCKING NIGHT!... IT'S ALWAYS BUCKING NIGHT!" I yell, stating the very obvious.

"Well, I just hold it there until I pass under a street light." he says unconvincingly.

"You're wearing sunglasses." I say.

'Well, my eyes are really sensi-" he begins.

"IT'S... BUCKING... NIGHT!" I yell again. "Oh screw this!" I say in exasperation, as I press the trigger on my M.I.S.P.P.L. three times. Three quiet chuffs of steam erupt from the muzzle, and a hole appears in the wall behind him on either side of his head and one between his legs.

This finally has the desired effect.

"Okay! Okay! Yes, I was following you. I admit it! Now please put the hole making thing away, I can't help but feel that it enjoys it's job far too much." The pony says with a shudder.

"Oh, you have NO idea." I reply, a feral grin spreading across my muzzle. "So let's just cut to the chase shall we? Who in Equestria are you, and, on a more personal note, how can you possibly be so completely inept at following people?"

"Ah, well you see, um, both questions actually have the same answer," he said, his muzzle breaking into a shifty grin. "You see... I'm the distraction."

I suddenly felt a sharp pain on the back of my head, and then I was falling, as the night went out...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of…

I leapt from one rooftop to the other. The city sprawled out below me, streetlights glittering like glowing diamonds in the mist covered streets. The night air was cool, but I couldn't feel it. My entire body was covered in a living ebony carapace. Nannysprite technology they called it. Millions of tiny nanosprites, all linked together, all telepathically controlled by the large one on my back, it's needle like fangs piercing my spine, linking my thoughts and nervous system with its own. I scanned the rooftops thought my sprite eyed black helmet, looking for heat signatures I could never detect on my own. I continued my search, effortlessly jumping from one rooftop to the next with my strength enhanced armor. There, two buildings away, nearly a dozen or so heat signatures. Six ponies, two diamond dogs, a minotaur, and two something else. Not sure what, but they were huge, and radiating heat like a furnace. With a grunt of effort, I activated my suit's chameleon mode, and shimmered into invisibility before silently teleporting downwind of the gathered beings.

I boosted my hearing slightly. Yeah, there he was, Axle Grease. Most notorious gang lord in all of New Buck city. He was standing slightly in front of the other five ponies, facing the minotaur who was flanked by the two diamond dogs, further behind the trio were the hulking forms of the two other heat signatures, hidden by the shadow of a neighboring skyscraper. The minotaur was passing Axle Grease a large briefcase, while Axle Grease was passing a smaller case back in return. If my intel was correct, there was no way Axle Grease could be allowed to leave this rooftop with that case.

I mentally ran through my options. I could try for a snatch and grab. Run in stealthed, grab the case and teleport to safety. But that meant leaving both parties alive, just to do this all over at a later date, when I might not be able to find them. I could take out the leaders with a couple well placed shots from here. But that would risk the case hitting the ground, and the chance that the contents would spill contaminating the whole area. I didn't have a big enough bomb to take out everyone, well not and be sure all the contents of the case were atomized. Ah, who am I kidding, I knew how I was going to handle this the moment I landed on the roof. I teleported behind the shadow of the stairwell that led to the lower floors. Quickly I told my suit to cease it's chameleon mode that made me invisible, and then activated the secondary which allowed me to disguise myself as any of my preset aliases. For all intents and purposes, I looked like a naked earth pony, albeit, in my opinion, a very handsome one. Pulling one of my many false ID's from a rear pocket of my suit, I held it before me as I boldly stepped out of the shadows.

"Everybody freeze! I said, as I walked into view. "Equestrian Special Service. You are all under arrest!" This met with the expected results.

After a moment of stunned incredulity, both Axle Grease, and his minotaur counterpart gestured toward their respective groups, and I now had over half a dozen crossbows, and dart guns leveled at my body. Two unicorns in the rear of Axle's group were using their magic to maintain a shield around the whole roof top.

"No worries boss," the taller of the two said. "Ain't nothing getting in or out of here. The roof is secure."

Axle Grease set down the case, and slowly approached me, looking me over as he did so. Perfect.

I have no idea what you thought was going to happen," he says sneering at me with disdain. "But you are obviously very new at this. Now drop any weapons you got hidden on you, and get down on your knees. Me and my associates have a few questions we'd like to ask you, and we'd BETTER like the answers."

"Well, it's pretty plain to see that I'm unarmed," I say, making a show of turning around in place, "and it so happens that I also have a few ques-"

"ARE YOU DEAF?! I SAID get DOWN on your KNEES!" Axle roars, losing his temper.

"Okay, in the first place, there's no need to shout. I'm standing right here. And in the second place… I'm not you're momma last night!" I shout back before vanishing from sight.

"Where'd he go? Did he teleport?" one of the goons says.

"No way," the tall unicorn replies, "This place is sealed tight, and he's an earth pony. He must be invisible somehow, maybe a preset spell he triggered."

"I'm on it!" The other unicorn says, bathing the area with the light of his horn.

I smile to myself as the light passes harmlessly across my armor. He's using a magic nullification spell. Too bad my suit is organic, and isn't using magic of any kind. Not like I knew more than a few basic spells anyway. A deficit I hoped to remedy in the future.

A warning sounded in my mind from the controlling sprite on my back. I didn't have much energy left in the suit, I'd better make this quick. Nannysprite tech is a wonderful thing, but it's powered by my body. The little sprites eat all the sweat and dead skin, etc. from my body and use it for fuel. When there isn't enough to go on, they can, in times of dire need, draw sustenance from the control sprite on my back, which in turn feeds directly from my body though those two needle like fangs sticking into my spine. This is a last ditch option however, because it will rapidly deplete the users energy reserves, and in extreme cases can be fatal. Personally I avoid the 'life tap' at all costs. It scares the hay out of me having a giant bug eating me from the inside out, brr. No, best to just finish this quickly.

I dance about invisibly between ponies and dogs with practiced ease, tapping them in passing with my claws, each of which contains a powerful poison. Nothing fatal, but strong enough to put an Ursa Minor down in agony if I needed to. Before long however my poison reserves had been depleted, and I still had the two unicorns, and Axle Grease to go, as well as the two huge beings that still haven't moved from the shadows. What the buck was that all about? They didn't even flinch when I put their boss minotaur on the ground screaming in pain. They just stood there.

I got another warning from the bug on my back, only thirty more seconds of stealth before it would have to life tap me. I quickly made my way to the two unicorns, and used the last dregs of poison in my claws to put them down. It was a gamble taking them out first, but Axle Grease was an earth pony, and as long as I was between him and the stairwell, he had no way out.

With both unicorns down, I used my magic to teleport the case that I had been keeping my eyes on throughout the entire fight over to a nearby roof top. With ten seconds to go, I dropped my cloak. I was standing in front of the stairwell, the light of the full moon bathing me in all it's radiant glory. Axle Grease stared at me in wide eyed terror.

I knew what he was seeing. A shiny black carapace in the shape of a pony. Two oversized luminescent eyes staring eerily toward him. These were the eyes of my control bug, which made up part of my living helmet. It was so disturbing watching them move from my back up over my head, each time I put this suit on.

I spoke, and when I did, mandibles on either side of my muzzle moved in response.

"Axle Grease…" I said in dark chilling tones.

"Uhhh," the terrified earth pony said, as I slowly made my way toward him.

"You lost." I said, stating the very, very, obvious.

"Uhhh," he said once again. By now I was close enough to see him trembling. Trembling so hard he could barely stand. By the Gods, I was eating this up.

"And now, I am going to wring ever last secret from your mind…" I say, grabbing him, and pulling his face inches away from my chitin encased muzzle.

"Ahhhh…" he says weakly, unable to even scream.

"By... eating… your… BRAIN!" I intone, in a voice straight from the depths of Tartaros, all the while clacking my mandibles menacingly.

I watch as Axle's eyes roll into the back of his head, as he falls to the roof top, unconscious. I have only a moment to grin to myself before something smashes into the side of my head, knocking me halfway across the roof.

"UNACCEPTABLE!" a voice bellows at me, as one of the two figures advances toward where I have landed. The other one scoops up the unconscious form of Axle Grease like he was a baby colt and with a mighty leap sails off into the night.

I shake my head to try to get it to stop spinning, as I feel the vibrations beneath me. A steady thooom, thooom, thooom, as the other creature makes it's way toward me. Now freed from the shadows, I can make out the creature clearly. It was gaunt to the point of emaciation, its desiccated skin pulled tautly over its bones. With its bones pushing out against its skin, its complexion the ash gray of death, and its eyes pushed back deep into their sockets, it looked like a gaunt skeleton recently disinterred from the grave. What lips it had were tattered and bloody. Unclean and suffering from suppurations of the flesh, it gave off a strange and eerie odor of decay and decomposition, of death and corruption.

I read about one of these in a training manual… What was it? Big Hoof, Sasquach, Yeti, no that wasn't it… I barely dodge in time as a massive fist impacts the space where most of my body occupied a moment before, I manage to focus enough to teleport to the other side of the roof, but the effort causes a spike of fiery pain to lance through my head. Crap, concussion. Can't risk using magic again, without the risk of permanent brain damage. As the creature turns and sees where I have gone, the memory in my brain finally sparks. By the beauteous black buttocks of the night goddess!

WENDIGO! Oh, I am SO bucked!

Wendigo. Cursed cannibal creature of the north. Strong as a Yeti, bloodthirsty, vicious, and able to track it's prey almost anywhere. I try desperately to focus enough to teleport, but the pain causes my vision to become spotty. It was between me and the stairwell, so that was out. Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods, I was going to have to FIGHT it. I nearly lost control of my bowls at the thought. Then realizing what I was wearing, I did so anyway. A second later a voice in my head told me that power levels were now at thirty nine percent. I made a mental note that if by some miracle I survived the next ten minutes, that how I recharged my armor at this point was NEVER going to go into my report.

Although all this happened in a matter of seconds, the wendigo was almost on top of me again as I used my augmented muscles to leap high in the air, executing a perfect double flip which would land me behind the beast where I planned to buck the legs out from under him. (That's buck like an apple tree, not… never mind). Unfortunately what actually happened, was that the wendigo jumped into the air, caught me by my rear leg, and proceeded to smash me repeatedly into the roof like a toddler with his first Wonderbolts doll. My armor did an excellent job of keeping me from going splat, but the concussive force was scrambling my brain like an egg.

Just as I was resigning myself to a rather inglorious death, the roof below us gave way, dumping us down into the apartment below. As fate would have it there was a wall partition between where myself and my dance partner landed. I ended up belly flopped into a large porcelain bathtub, and the wendigo was in the room adjacent roaring in pain for some reason. As I tried to rise to my hooves, a familiar voice spoke to me in my head.

"Got an idea boss." The command sprite said into my mind. "Wendigo's track by scent."

"Yeah, so?" I sent back.

"Wendigo doesn't have YOUR scent. Only mine." He sent back.

This was true, the nannysprite suit was completely self contained.

"Get out of me boss, and turn on the water, and go hide in the back room. I'll take care of the rest." The command bug said confidently.

I instantly knew what he was planning. I hated it. I told him so emphatically.

"C'mon boss, there's no other way, and no time to argue… haul hooves!" The bug insisted.

He was right, I could hear the wendigo in the next room, finally rising to it's feet. I only had seconds.

"I-I'm sorry," I say through the link, then I quickly shed my armor. It rests limply in the tub for a moment, then it fills itself out into the shape it would be had I still been wearing it. I turn on both water taps, and plugging up the sink, I turn it on as well. As I turn to leave one of the arms raise from the suit. I clasp it in farewell. As it lets me go I find a small parasprite in my hand. Far too large to be a nanosprite, I realize in a moment what it is. An infant command bug. A child of the one from my back. Fighting back tears I make my way into the back bedroom from the door opposite the one the wendigo has begun to tear off its hinges. I hear a roar of rage, as it steps into the room. Then through the cracks in the door I see a flash of blue, and smell the scent of ozone. Then the floor shakes as the body of the wendigo crashes down upon it.

I slowly open the door. On the floor of the bathroom in an ever increasing pool of water is the still form of the wendigo. In the tub is the charred remains of my nannysprite suit. It fed on as much water as it could, then released all of it's energy in the form of a massive electrical discharge, killing them both. Numbly I made my way out of the bathroom, down the hall, and through the living room. In the kitchen I found what I was looking for, a bottle of very hard cider. I never had been much for drink, but I needed one now. I sat the little sprite on the counter, and poured myself a tall glass.

"I'll take one of those," a voice as soft as midnight silk said over my shoulder.

I turned around, and there before me was Luna, princess of the night.

"W-what are you doing here?" I asked, my mind numb in shock. She wasn't supposed to be here. She wasn't here bef- wait… "This is… a dream?" I asked, as things began to fall into place.

"Yes Johnny. A particularly vivid dream, I might add." She says as she pours herself a generous glass, and begins to sip.

I look about the room, perfect in every detail. As swiftly as the thought forms in my mind, Luna speaks.

"This is more than a nightmare isn't it Johnny? It's a memory." Luna says, not as a question, but as a statement of fact.

"Yeah," I respond gulping cider, "a memory from one of my earliest days as an agent."

"So," she says, as if she had all the time in the world, and no other ponies dreams to visit. "Nannysprite technology. Want to tell me about it?" she asks casually.

"Ah, that would be after you went on your... um, extended vacation." I say somewhat uncomfortably. "Celestia threw herself into all sorts of projects after you were gone. Between Discord, you, and other threats to the kingdom, she was frantic to explore as many options as possible to help keep her people safe."

"Ponies safe," Luna amended. "People implies OTHER sentient races." she said sternly.

"Ah, yes, well then, um, ponies safe." I say, trying not to offend her. "In any event, one of the discoveries that one of her biologists made, quite by accident, was during his research into ways to control parasprites. He found that parasprites communicated telepathically with one another, and swarms of them shared a kind of 'hive mind'. Also that their size was largely determined by their environment. She had set up a farm governed by some of her most empathic earth ponies who began specialized breeding programs with parasprites. My former suit was one of the results. It's parent had been cross bred with certain other species to breed in the desired traits. The large bug on the back was the 'Nanny' so to speak, and telepathically directed all the millions of tiny 'nano' sprite drones, that linked together to make up the suit. I called him 'Bob', he was my partner... he was my friend. My only friend..." I say sadly, taking another gulp of cider. Suddenly an odd thought weasels it's way into my fore brain. "Luna, why exactly am I suddenly telling you classified Canterlot information?"

"My, my, you caught onto that. I'm very impressed. Simply put, you are in a dream, and in the world of dreams, I make the rules. Up until your assignment, I never looked closely at your thoughts, well, no more so than any other pony in my city, but since you are, in essence, working for me at the moment, I took it upon myself to keep an eye on you when you fall asleep. It seems I was justified in doing so." She says, not at all appearing to be upset. In fact, she seems rather pleased with me for some reason.

"Well, since I seem to be forced to be so forthcoming, I should probably tell you two other things." I say, pouring myself another cider, and fighting hard to sound casual. By my teacher's turgid tushy, the last thing I need is Luna wondering what ELSE I may know.

"And what might those be," she asks in return, sounding equally as casual.

"Well, in the first place, Celestia abandoned all sprite research after a visit to Ponyville some years back. It seems a certain Pink Party pony accidentally pointed out a huge glaring vulnerability in her tech, in the fact that parasprites lost control of themselves when subjected to varied sonic oscillations."

"Beg pardon?" She says, raising one elegant eyebrow.

"Music." I simplified. "Parasprites becomes slaves to music. Celestia was quite surprised to see the basis of her latest battle armor being led out of town by a prancing Pinkie Pie proudly playing a parasprite polka."

"Would you care to repeat that three times very fast?" She asks, a twinkle of merriment in her eyes.

"Not especially, no." I reply. "In any event, although the Princess covered it well, secretly she was quiet upset, and made up an excuse to cut her visit short. After she left she quickly paying a visit to the head pony of her parasprite R & D department. Then after saying... um... 'not nice things...' she told him to scrap the project entirely. Then she reportedly spent the rest of the afternoon in her cake room... in consultation with captain carrot cake and the marzipan militia. By all accounts, she then lost the battle with will power, but won the war against baked goods."

Luna smiles at me, a crescent of amusement. "I see now why my sister shows you so much favor, you're verbosity is a breath of fresh air. Hmm, but what of the second thing you wished to say?" she asks, as she raises her glass to her lips.

"Ah, as to that... Well you do realize that when I wake up, I will have to report to your sister any and all information that you have taken from my mind." I state matter-of-factually. "Threaten me you may, but this is part of my job, and I have no leeway. I'll have to tell her."

"No, actually you wont." She says sipping her cider daintily. "When you wake up, you will forget this entire conversation ever happened... Just like the last time." she adds impishly.

"Last time?!" I say in alarm my head jerking upright, my ears erect.

"Kidding, kidding. I'm only kidding. This is the first time we have talked like this." she says, throwing up her hooves in mock surrender. "Although, I must admit, you do have some interesting thoughts rattling around in here." she says with a feral grin.

Thinking of that, my most recent memory returns to me.

"Wait a second. Before I fell asleep... I was tailing a pony. Or rather he was tailing me. I lured him into an alley, and started to question him, then I felt a pain in the back of my head, and everything went dark. I was suckered." I forced myself to say. No sense denying the truth.

"Perhaps," Luna says calmly. "But for you to be here means you are still alive. Whoever did this wants you alive for some reason. Have you learned anything new since last we spoke?"

I quickly fill her in on the safe deposit key, and a description of the pony I was following. I tell her my conclusions about the explosives, and was just about to mention the name I recognized on the list when everything started to fade away.

"Looks like you are waking up Johnny. I wish I could do more for you. But if I don't hear from you in the next twenty four hours, I'll start a pony hunt for you, and fill in my sister. Good luck Johnny! Oh, and since you won't remember any of this, I must admit to finding you to be a VERY fascinating pony." She says, that feral grin returning. Those are the last words I hear from the princess, as I struggle back into the world of consciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

An Offer I Can't Refuse

The first thought I had upon waking was to wonder how exactly did the drum section for the Canterlot Philharmonic manage to fit inside my head. The follow up was to wonder why each of them were playing Throughbred Zeppelin's 'Pony Trick' drum solo all at the same time. Both of these thoughts became moot however once I opened my eyes and found myself staring down the barrel of some pony else's M.I.S.P.P.L.

Yup, now I was fully awake.

"Mr. Appleseed," a voice said from over my shoulder. "So glad you could join us."

"It seems I wasn't given much choice." I reply, not looking away from the goon with the gun. He was a pegasus with a sickly green coat, and a dark red mane. From they way he was sitting, I couldn't make out his cutie mark. He lacked the usual slack jawed continence of your average goon. No, this one was alert. Crafty. I'd have to watch this one. The voice behind me spoke again.

"Please forgive my associates for their rather clumsy invitation to join us. I would have much preferred to go through more civilized channels, but time sadly is of the essence. And there is too little of it to spend on making and keeping appointments." The speaker finally moved into my line of sight as he walked over to a small writing desk, pulled out a chair and sat facing me.

He was a pony... I think. But a really really large one. Quite possibly the fattest pony I have ever seen. Look, I mean this guy was big. Like 'I save money by going to buffets every day' big. Put it like this, each gesture he made took an extra minute for the wobbling to stop. That at least explained his rather deep, although wheezy voice. I caught a glimpse of his cutie mark before he sat down, it was of two scrolls wrapped in a red ribbons. A moment later, another pony entered the room bearing a tea tray which he placed before that large guy. Him I recognized, he was the one who was tailing me... my 'distraction'. I turned my attention back to the pony with the gun.

"This is going to go a whole lot easier if your friend would find another place to put his toy." I said, as I scanned the room I was in. It was an upscale place. Good furniture, nice rug. This was good. I probably wasn't going to be shot here. Had I awoken to say, an empty warehouse, or the back of a cart out in the country, I'd be a bit more concerned. I guess this means Luna was right. Wait Luna? Why would I think that? Something... something in the back of my mind, I almost had it, but my train of though was derailed as the fat guy spoke again.

"I couldn't agree more. Blackjack, please put away your weapon. I wouldn't want Mr. Appleseed to get the wrong impression. After all we are all civilized ponies here. Care for some tea Mr. Appleseed?" He asked.

"No thanks," I replied. "And you can call me Johnny, Mr.- ?"

"Gutson, Canasta Gutson" he replied. "I believe you already met my associate Mr. Rook, and the gentlepony in front of you we just call Blackjack."

"Charmed," I say, inclining my head. Now that I had my wits about me I had already figured out half a dozen ways to safely deal with this situation, from the pedestrian idea of just teleporting home, to the more intense dismantling the entire room and everypony in it (except myself of course). Not that I had any intention of doing either, it just gives me comfort to know that I had options. No, these guys wanted me here for a reason, and I wasn't going to leave until I knew what it was. Time to show off a bit. I cracked my neck and rose to my hooves before speaking.

"All right Mr. Gutson, I will assume that all of your names are aliases, considering that none of your cutie marks resemble cards. You said your time was short, so let's see if I can help to move this along. You wish me to retrieve something. An artifact of some history, and you need me to do it quietly, off the books. It's here in the city somewhere, and you have already exhausted all the purely legitimate means at your disposal, so now you are getting desperate.

"H-how? How could you have known all that?" Mr. Rook asks, his face a mask of shock.

"It's my job Mr. Rook." I say, pacing the room. "Mr. Gutson, for example. His cutie make indicates a scholarly life, but his size, and the fact that he is a pony of refined taste, as evidenced by his choice of tea, and tea service, says that he is by no means poor. One might suppose a dealer in antiquities? One could further assume by his choice of companions that these dealings are not always on the right side of the law. You Mr. Rook on the other hoof, are NOT accustomed to these types of things. Judging by your pallor you don't see the sun much, and since none of you three are natives to this city, one can assume you stay indoors more often than not. Seeing your cutie mark is that of a history book, and that you are associating with Mr. Gutson here, I deduce you to be a researcher, perhaps for a museum. My guess would be the Canterlot Natural History Museum. As to the rest? Simple logic. The fact that you are after something, and want me to find it is the reason you knocked out, and coltnapped a detective instead of killing him. The fact that a museum researcher and an antiquities dealer are both here in person, means that it's quite old, quite rare, and quite valuable. The fact that your desperate is obvious, by your method of getting me here. And the fact that you are on a time table indicates that some pony else is involved, that is after the same thing. How am I doing so far?"

From his seat Mr. Gutson begins applauding, not a particularly pretty sight as the flab under his forelegs jiggles madly with each clap. Of course I could have told them the real truth... that I bribe a pony at the border checkpoints every week to inform me every time a pony of interest enters the city. Thanks to the photographic memory spell rune on my leg, I knew exactly who they really were. But doing things this way not only made me seem more impressive than I was, but also just seemed to be more fun.

"Bravo, Mr. Appleseed! Bravo! Ah, I mean Johnny of course." He says correcting himself, as he pours another cup of tea. "Well, I must admit, you are correct in all particulars, but what about Blackjack? You seemed to have overlooked him."

"Oh? Well, he's just a goon. Muscle. A gunsel. No one important." I say, waving a hoof dismissively over my shoulder, not bothering to turn around. I know what I'd see, one really bucking mad goon. Good.

"Quite." Mr Gutson says, squeezing a wedge of lemon over his cup. "But very useful, you have to admit. A pony in my position isn't often required to do his own legwork. No, better to hire somepony suited for it. The right tool for the job. So far Blackjack has proven to be up to the task.

And now Johnny, we come to the crux of the matter..."

Mr Gutson rises to his hooves and begins to pace the room. I can only hope that wherever we are that it's on the ground floor, otherwise any pony in the rooms below must think there is an earthquake going on.

"Johnny you brought yourself to our attention when young Blackjack here spotted you going into the apartment of Miss Babs Seed. Naturally we wasted no time in finding out exactly who you are. Much to our surprise it turns out that you may be exactly the type of pony we need to conclude our business in the wretched town of darkness." He says, glance out the window into the perpetually darkened streets.

"You see Miss Seed used to work as an associate of Mr. Rook. It was while she was on a visit to see her old friend in Manehatten, a little over a weeks ago, that she first deduced the value of the um, object in question. Mr. Rook had recently come into possession of certain artifacts acquired during an excavation at the ancient Palace of Two Sisters. He had asked Miss Seed her opinion on several of them during her visit. Apparently she recognized one of the pieces for what it really was.

Later that night the museum was broken into, and the artifact was removed. When Mr. Rook tried to contact Miss Seed the following day, she was nowhere to be found. Eventually we learned that she had immediately fled back to this city. One can only assume that she had made contact with a buyer somewhere in the city, and had made plans to make a sale. Unfortunately, as best we can determine both herself, and the object in question have gone missing. This, as they say, is where you came in."

"I'm beginning to understand." I said as the pieces fell into place. "You believe that whoever hired me, is this 'buyer' you are referring to. You think that between the three of you that I am the one most likely to track down this maguffin of yours, and when I do, you want to be the one to buy me off."

"A rather crude, but accurate summery, Mr. Appleseed. What do you say?"

"I want five hundred thousand bits, as a 'finders fee' for your little object, plus daily expenses, and freedom to do things MY WAY. That means no tails, no shadows, and no more knocks on the head. You might damage a finely tuned instrument... on my skull."

Mr. Gutson didn't even blink. "Done. But why, may I ask did you agree so quickly? I would assume my... competition's offer would be somewhat more... substantial, than what you have just proposed."

Sweet Celestia's sun bonnet! Five hundred thousand bits and not so much as an eye twitch? What the hay am I into here? I had hoped to outrage the pony, distract him with some haggling, perhaps get a few more details obliquely. But it looks like I was going to have to play the hoof I was dealt. Time to pony up.

"To be honest Mr. Gutson, I was only hired to find the dame. No mention was made about your little bauble. So in that regard you would be the only one I would be doing business with. I assume you have no real interest in the pony herself, other than locating said bauble, so I don't really see a conflict of interest. That being said," I lean forward and look directly into his eyes. "What is it?"

"Indeed sir? Gutson says in mild surprise. "Well, I must say I find that to be somewhat of a relief. Perhaps she has yet to make contact with whomever she intended to sell the object to."

"What... is... it?" I repeat slowly, enunciating each word, and adding a touch of impatience.

"Mr. Rook, as it is your area of expertise, could you please give ah, 'Johnny', a brief history lesson?

Inwardly I groan, as Mr. Rook visibly warms to the topic he is about to launch into. I so hate lectures. And lectures about ancient relics are about as boring as they get. I briefly consider asking Blackjack if he'll hit me upside the back of the head again, but decide against it... Because I'm pretty sure he would.

"Mr Appleseed, how much do you know about Princess Luna's history before she became Nightmare Moon?" Rook inquires.

"So there's a Princess named Luna?" I say by way of reply, causing Rook to facehoof, and earning me a long suffering glance from Gutson. Much as I enjoy being annoying for annoyance's sake, I had an actual reason for being flippant. Now he should be more focused on the topic at hoof rather than rambling on about every little thing ever minor noble did to goad Luna into her bid for power. I mean really, it's a dead topic. Luna came back, Luna got better, her sister forgave her, let's all move on.

"Mr. Appleseed," Mr. Rook says with obvious disdain, "in the interest of not overburdening your mind, I'll be brief."

'Perfect', I think to myself.

"During the years before Luna's transformation, both she and her sister had occasion to acquire themselves pets. As immortals, they didn't want to go through the loss of a companion after a relatively short time, so they both decided to get a phoenix as a pet. They found two, one of red and gold, the other a nightfire phoenix of purple and black. Celestia named hers Philomina from 'filia luminis', or 'daughter of light', Luna named hers Philautemnox from 'filius autem nox', or 'son of night'. He being a male pheonix, Luna simply called him Phil.

Shortly after Luna's transformation and banishment to the moon, her pet phoenix became unconsolable. He would fly frantically about her former master's room setting everything ablaze, or would sit for weeks at a time continouesly going through his molt cycle.

Celestia, could not bear to see her sister's pet in such agony, so she placed a stasis spell on him, intending to revive him when and if her sister were ever returned to normal. She placed Philautemnox in Luna's room on a perch at the foot of her bed. And insured that her room and possions were never to be disturbed.

Unfortunataly in the months following, those of Luna's royal guard, the Night Watch, who had still remained loyal to their princess, broke into her former quarters and removed everything of value. They and other loyalists fled to the island of Mareta which lies to the south of Bitaly. There they attempted to rally an army to stage a coup, and force Celestia to return their princess to them. This of course failed miserably, and the island was raided, which ended in many arrests.

But despite all of this, the phoenix as well as many other of Luna's personal belongings, were never recovered. One lone prisoner had this to say upon his interrogation."

"The phoenix Phil, represents all that we stand for, the eventual rebirth of our beloved princess's reign over all of Equestria on the night she returns to this world. You shall never find him, for he has been disguised to appear as any normal statue, and he and thousands of other lookalikes have been shipped across all of Equestria! Search all you want sun worshippers, but the symbol of the Night Goddess will forever be beyond your grasp."

"Oh by the goddess!" I say in disgust, interuppting the researcher's diatribe. "Are you honestly going to stand there and tell me that what you three have been after all this time is the legendary Maretese Phoenix?!" They all look at me, their expressions unchanging. "You have got to be kidding me. It's a myth! An old mare's tale, it doesn't exist!" I say rising to my hooves, and facing Gutson. "I thought with the exception of Blackjack here, that you were ponies of rational intelligence. You can't honestly expect me to believe that you came all this way chasing a fairytail?"

"I assure you Mr. Appleseed," Mr. Gutson says, no trace of levity in his voice, "that we are quite serious."

"Among the artifacts uncovered at the Two Sisters dig, where several large chests marked with the symbol of the Night Watch," Rook interrupts. "Upon opening them, the items inside match several of the items depicted in Luna's bedroom on various paintings and portraits. We now believe that the Night Watch never actually removed her possessions from the castle grounds, but instead simply buried them, planning to unearth them again after their princess returned."

"You know, you could simply take them to Luna herself for confirmation." I say as an offhoof remark.

"Don't be insulting," Gutson fires back. "Any attempt to officially verify our findings would result in the immediate confiscation of everything we have discovered so far."

"And that would result in a massive lack of profits for yourselves. Not to mention putting yourselves in a difficult spot with your buyer, whom I assume is funding your little adventure at the moment." I say.

"Quite. Our buyer, although very generous when one meets with success, is not one to be very forgiving of failure." Gutson says wiping his brow. He's been standing for five minutes now, he must be close to exhaustion.

"So you honestly believe that the phoenix exists. And you believe that somehow Babs recognized it, and brought it here. And this is what your willing to pay me five hundred thousand bits, plus expenses to find?" I ask, making sure I have the terms down.

"Yes Mr. Appleseed. Five hundred thousand bits, plus whatever expenses you require to find, and deliver to us, the Maretese Phoenix.

Unbelievable! And I thought diamond dogs were stupid. If word gets out about this I'll never live it down. I'm a legitimate, moderately well respected detective, Gods, what would my peers say? I might as well start the search for Al Capony's Vault while I'm at it, or Blackbit's pirate treasure.

"All right. I'm in." I say, reaching out and shaking Gutson's hoof. What? It's half a million bits! I'd paint myself blue, wear a couple of pasties, and fly around pretending to be Rainbow Dash for half that much.

I concluded my business with them shortly after that. I didn't trust any of them of course, and they'd be a fool to trust me, but I thought we could manage to do business, at least on the surface. Providing of course, that I could somehow manage to turn up a mythical object. On that note I teleported home, and poured myself a tall cold glass of cider. I turned on the ponaudio, and went to fetch a couple of candles, one white, one black, and some parchment and my quill. I intended to find out right up front just what kind of wild phoenix chase I just agreed to.

Hey, Gutson just said I had to BRING him the phoenix. If it does exist, I had no intention of letting him KEEp it. For one thing, neither one of my bosses at the moment would be very happy if I let THAT bird fly the coup. And for another, I used to have a pet once my own self. A cute little kitten named Scraps. I know how I felt after I lost him...

(Gods I loved that kitty. But one day I came home from school and Mommie told me that he accidentally fell down our well, and went thru a portal to kitty heaven where the mice are slow and fat. I had no idea up until then, that the portal to kitty heaven was at the bottom of our well. I remember the one time I decided to go after him. Sheesh, did mom pitch a fit. She explained that the portal only worked for kitties and that I'd just drown instead. Seems like I spent years trying to learn that stupid metamorphosis spell. Never could manage cat... I wonder if the portal is still up? Oh never mind, back to work...)

It was just about time for one of my favorite shows on the ponaudio, there were many Luna themed shows out there but this one was my favorite, it's a story about a rich unicorn who had witnessed the brutal slaying of her parents as a foal, and devoted herself to fighting crime dressed as a batpony. As the opening theme to 'The Dark Knightmare' started to play, I began composing my letters to the princesses.

Dear Princess Celestia, (the other of course said Luna),

Today I was solicited by three ponies under the aliases of Canasta, Rook, and Blackjack. They apparently saw me while I was investigating Babs's hotel room. They were also seeking our missing pony, not for herself mind you, but for an artifact they believe to be in her possession. They offered me an inordinately large amount of money, for acquiring them said object. They indicated that their unnamed buyer would reward them handsomely for success, or punish them terribly for failure. This situation may, or may not be related to her disappearance, and or the attempted bombing that took place in my office. Although I could see how this object would be worth a great deal of money to a collector, and how that might be a motive for kidnapping Babs, I can't see how bombing my office during Princess Luna's visit, comes into it. But still, I can't ignore the possibility that the two events might somehow have been connected.

Now to the crux of it. These three ponies have convinced themselves, that somehow Babs has got her hands on the Maretese Phoenix. Yeah, I know, laugh all you want. But they honestly believe it to be real, and that it was unearthed outside the place of Two Sisters from some Night Watch chest that was buried in the ground.

Now as crazy as all of THAT sounds, these guys are actual artifact fences working out of the Canterlot Natural History Museum. I'm going to slow play them until I am able to weasel out the name of their buyer, but I wanted to make you aware of them in any event.

That's all at the moment.

Sincerely,

wishing I COULD give them the bird... (but, you know... hooves)

Me

I flared off the messages as the first commercial break came on. Before the announcer had finished telling me how vitally important it was for me to buy his cereal (Bunches of Honey'd Oats, or something like that), the first of two letters appeared, followed closely by the second.

I read Celestia's first.

Holy Bucking ME!

They found it? They actually think they found it?!

Listen you, do NOT buck this up! If that bird is in that city, FIND IT!

I hereby authorize everything. Blow your cover if you have to, use your alpha rune if you have to, you are officially off the chain. If that bird is in Luna's city, find it! And for the love of me, DO NOT under ANY circumstances mention any of this to Luna. It broke her heart when she came back to the castle after the six restored her to normal, only to find out what happened to Phil. We cannot risk raising her hopes, just to dash them again if this turns out to be false. I'm serious here, keep your bucking muzzle shut.

P.S. I sincerely hope for her sake that you can, in fact, find her pet. It would mean the world to both of them to be reunited. Succeed in this task, and I promise, that I will finally grant you the one thing that you have always been hounding me about. Fail, and then you'd better pray to somepony higher than me, that Luna never finds out a thing about it...

Sincerly,

Celly

I look at the other letter that has arrived. The one with Luna's unmistakable seal on the outside.

Oh buck me...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Me and My Shadow

I was in the office early the next first night. I'd like to say it was because I'd went to bed early and gotten plenty of sleep. But opposite day still wasn't a legal holiday, so I couldn't. I sat at my desk, Luna's letter open before me, as I waited for Ori to arrive. She always showed up a half hour before I usually did. She'd come in, put the coffee on, scan the papers for any items of interest, and set up my schedule, such as it was, for the day. She should be in any minute. To pass the time I read Luna's letter one more time, any hope that the words had changed somehow were quickly dashed.

Dear Johnny,

I am both shocked and overjoyed to receive your missive. It's obvious that all of the faith my sister had placed in you was justified. In only one days time in your hunt for our missing pony, you managed to find a lead on a case that has been cold for over a thousand years. I'm sure by now you have received some correspondence from my sister to verify that yes, the Maretese Phoenix does indeed exist. Judging from the fact that she has so far failed to contact me, I can only conclude that she doesn't wish to raise my hopes against dear Phil's recovery. I would imagine she has instructed you to do the same.

That being said, I cannot tell you how happy I am that you have chosen to make me aware of the situation. Rest assured I will not mention this fact to my sister, nor will you be put into a position where you will be forced to chose what information goes where.

This is because I have decided that, due to the increasing importance of our objectives, you shall no longer bear the sole responsibility of completing your assigned task. I am assigning you a partner.

Now I know you may harbor some misgivings over this, but let me assure you that the pony I have in mind will in no way hinder your efforts. She is, in many ways, just like you. Consider her to be my version of one of my sister's operatives. I will let her debrief you tomorrow. Expect her in your office at the start of your day.

Also, to be clear, although you will be her superior in this operation, she will report directly to me. From this point forward, anything you have to say to me, you can say to her. She has already been briefed about her status, and has been ordered to follow your lead in all things, unless directly ordered otherwise by myself. I expect you two will get along just swimmingly.

Sincerely,

Luna

I put down the missive as I hear the outer door open. Noticing the lights are on, Ori makes her way into my office.

"My, somepony's here early." She says with a smile. "Have a busy day yesterday entertaining the royalty?"

"Ori, you don't know the half of it. Pull up a chair, but not the fancy on over there, and I'll fill you in."

Ori casts a curious glance at the chair in question, as I quickly bring her up to speed on the events of the last twenty-four hours.

She whistle's appreciatively. "You sure pack your day full of minutes boss. So I'm guessing you wanted to tell me a few things before we lose our... privacy?" She asks, glancing at the clock on the wall.

Our 'guest' should be arriving shortly. And Ori was right, there were several things I needed to talk to her about before Luna's spy... I mean, my new partner, arrived.

I dug out the key I found from Bab's apartment, and gave it to Ori, and told her what I wanted done. Then I told her the name of the pony that I recognized from Bab's list of associates and friends, and had her begin a search for her current whereabouts. The last thing I told her about was the chair. Yes, I'm keeping it, and yes I wanted it cleaned, preferably today.

I had just settled into my first cup of coffee, and had begun examining the first night paper that Ori had brought in with her, when I heard the door to the outer office open once again. I glanced up at the clock. Nine on the dot. A moment later Ori walked into my office.

"Johnny, I believe the pony you were expecting has arrived." She said, an odd look on her face.

"Send her in Ori, we might as well get this over with." I say in return, placing my paper aside.

No sooner had Ori cleared the door, than the pony in question walked in. Surprisingly, it was a she. She was tall for a mare, almost my own height. A unicorn, like myself. Her coat was a dark storm cloud gray, and her mane was black as midnight. She wore a stylish black dress with petticoats of the type that was currently the rage in Whinnyappleous. She was lithe, and walked with confidence. She worked out, you could tell by the way she moved. And then there were her eyes. There was unshakable confidence there. An almost mocking pride. She was arrogant. Hmm, Luna said she was one of her agents, obviously not a desk clerk this one. Certainly not hard on the eyes.

She sat down without waiting to be asked. No manners on this one either. They must take lessons from their boss.

"Mr. Appleseed." She says, extending a hoof in greeting. "I was sent her to assist you by direct order of Princess Luna. I assume you were expecting me?"

For a brief moment I considered kissing the extended hoof, but I somehow doubted that old fashioned chivalry would go over well with this one. Instead I settled on a brief hoofshake.

"Indeed," I say in reply. Luna did inform me to expect your arrival this morning Mrs..."

"Moonlight Shadow." She says.

"Charmed. And please, just call me Johnny."

"Very well, in that case you may call me just Shadow."

"How apropos." I say in return, "since you will be my shadow for the upcoming endeavor."

The faintest of smiles quickly flits across her muzzle.

"Mrs. Shadow, may I be completely honest?"

"I would hope for nothing less," she says leaning forward attentively.

"Mrs. Shadow. According to this," I gesture briefly at the missive from Princess Luna, "you were sent here to be my partner for the duration of this case. To be frank, I neither want, nor need a partner. And even if that wasn't the case, I cannot, despite whatever level of competency you posses, consider you one." I hold up a hoof to forestall any protest. "Allow me to finish please. A partner in my profession is a being you trust implicitly. Someone whom you are willing to place your life into their hooves without a moments hesitation. That level of trust has to be earned over along period of time, and no decree, from no matter how high a source, can alter that fact.

I acknowledge the fact that we both have to work together on this case. And I will share whatever information we uncover equally between us. That being said I have neither the time, nor the inclination to school you in my methods, or shepherd you out of harms way. I will assume that as my counterpart, you already understand the dangers of this city, and I expect you will be able to take care of yourself if a situation arises. I also expect you to follow the letter of Luna's request in that you don't go off on your own, and that you will follow my lead, and not step out of line. This is my investigation, and I fully expect you to handle things MY way. Do we have an understanding Mrs. Shadow?"

I look her directly in the eyes during my diatribe. Her expressions tightens, as I continue. By the time I am finished I can tell it is taking much of her self control to maintain her decorum.

"It's Miss." She says.

"Beg pardon?" I say momentarily caught off guard.

"It's Miss." She repeats. "Miss Shadow. I detest the word Mrs.. It makes you sound like you have a muzzle full of bees." She says before smiling mischievously.

Well I'll be a son of a mule. SHE was studying ME the whole time. By the goddess, I think she'll do.

I smile back in return. "Of course Miss Shadow, I shan't make the mistake of misjudging you in the future."

"Oh I rather doubt that." She says in reply, in a voice that makes my heart jump just a little. "So, shall we go over what you already have? I have the report Luna gave me, but I'd like to hear whatever insights you may have, as well as what you think our next move should be."

I spend the next few hours going over almost everything with her. I say almost, because I have a hunch about something, and I'm not about to trust somepony I just met, especially not another spy. She listens attentively, asking all the right questions. She's done this before. Well, at least Luna didn't stick me with a rookie. I look at the clock and see it's almost what outsiders would consider 'noon'.

"Care to grab a bite?" I ask.

"I could eat. What did you have in mind?" She says in return.

"La Carrousel." I say, grabbing my coat.

"Ugh, I hate Prance cuisine. Could I twist your leg and talk you into a hayburger?" she asks back.

My opinion of her goes up a notch. "Not this time I'm afraid. La Carrousel is the place our missing pony was working at up until her disappearance. I think we should drop in." I note a brief look of disgust on her face. "Fine, There's a 'Five Ponies' on the way, best hay burgers and fries in town." I say holding open the door.

I stop at Ori's desk on the way out. She hasn't got back from the errand I sent her on. I leave a note on the desk explaining where I was going, and then Shadow and I hit the streets. 'Five Ponies' is only two blocks away, so we just walk there. We take our orders out to the steam bus stop and make small talk while we nosh. By the time the bus shows up, we've finished our meal. The bus is packed this time of day and the only two seats available are separated by two rows and on the opposite sides of the isle. I let Shadow take the front seat, as I setting in the back next to a zebra couple holding a small colt. He sits on his mother's lap fast asleep as she gently rocks him in her hooves. The father has his head in a book. Something about genetics on the cover. Looks thick and dry. Give me a sci-fi or fantasy any night.

I take a few moments to discreetly observe Shadow. Despite her designer dress, she looks perfectly at home on a crowded bus filled with the rank and file. I can't help but feel that she'd look that way no matter where we were. Part of an agent's training was to do just that, look like you belonged. I try to imagine what sort of training she's had. Couldn't be like what I went through, she still looks sane.

My thoughts drift back. All the way back to Celesta's School for Gifted Unicorns. It was a totally different world. I was so green back then. All I wanted was to be the best in the class. But that wasn't going to happen. No, no matter how good I was, Twilight was always just a little better. Oh sure, I developed faster in practical application, but when it came to magical theory, and spell matrices, she had me hooves down. I suppose it was inevitable that we'd develop a thing for each other. That night in the library, that first kiss...

It was then that I noticed Shadow staring at me. I must have been looking at her this whole time. I blushed furiously, looking away. Goddess, where did that come from? A moment later the bus came to a stop. Our stop. I quickly got up with Shadow and the others and made my way outside.

We could see 'La Carrousel' from here, just a little ways up the block. We began walking toward the restaurant. I felt compelled for some reason to explain myself in the bus, just as I was about to speak Shadow's name an explosion threw us from our hooves.

We shakily got ourselves upright. The restaurant we had been making our way towards was on fire. All of the glass of the windows and doors lay shattered across the street outside from the force of the explosion moments before. Neither of us said a word as we began to sprint toward the front of the building.

A steam bus that had been passing by the front of the restaurant had taken the brunt of the explosive force and had fallen on it's side. Ponies had begun to crawl of the shattered windows and onto the street to join other ponies that simply stood there dazed and bleeding, obviously in shock.

As I turned to issue instructions to Moonlight, I noticed that she was no longer by my side. Up ahead I saw her poke her head out of the damaged bus, as she handed up an injured pony into the waiting hooves of a former passenger on the edge of a window frame. I shook my head in disbelief. Teleporting into an unknown situation, and a barely perceived location? Was she insane?

She was just climbing out of the bus as I passed it by, heading into the entrance of the ruined restaurant. Tirek having a throw down with Sombra couldn't have caused as much devastation as what I saw in what was left of the dining area. I carefully made my way through and over piles of flaming debris as I moved toward the kitchens. I had been prepared for the worst, but surprisingly there were no bodies in the outer area. Apparently they must close after the lunch rush to prepare for the first night crowds.

The kitchen area was another story. Judging by the blast pattern the explosion must have occurred somewhere back there, and the force of the blast having nowhere else to go blew outwards through the front taking out the thin divider wall from the kitchen and the dining area. It must have been one hell of an explosion to decimate the dining area and still have enough force to turn over a bus.

I started to step through the opening in the blown out wall, and then paused one hoof still in the air. What I saw before me was something I hoped to never see again. The sight of those that were dead I took in stride, my job didn't allow for anything less. It was the living that were still in that room...

'La Carrousel' employed a large staff. Waiters, waitresses, chefs, sous chefs, assistants, and gophers (the ponies that went and fetched things, not the actual animal.) Not to mention the various others required to keep a restaurant afloat in a sea of competition. To carry that analogy one step further, it looked like the competition had come about and put a full broadside across her hull. The few survivors were sinking fast.

There were bodies everywhere. No, there were pieces of bodies everywhere. I was still frozen in the middle of the blown out wall. My body was in the present surrounded by flaming wreckage, the smell of blood and burnt flesh hot in my nostrils, but my mind was lost twenty years in the past. The classroom, the screams, the blood, so much blood, and Twilight... The look on her face as she stared at me. A mixture of horror and loathing. I knew in that instant, that she would never look upon me the same way ever again.

I was shoved from behind.

"What are you doing? Moonlight yells, "I can hear the screams from out in the lobby. Stop standing around and HELP them." She says shoving me inside.

I stumble forward. My hooves step in a pool of blood. It's warm. Moonlight pushes past me, going over to a mare missing a leg, her eyes wide in shock. Moonlight looks around frantically for the missing limb. Finally she locates it, but it's been destroyed beyond hope of repair. She turns back to the stricken mare. She uses her magic to stop the flow of blood and seal the wound over. She looks back at me angrily. I haven't moved since I entered the room.

"What are you waiting for?!" She yells at me, her frustration and anger rising. "Hurry up and use your magic to help theses poor ponies. I can't save them all on my own."

"I can't," I say quietly, not meeting her gaze.

"What do you mean you can't?" she all but roars back.

"I mean I can't!" I shout back. "I'm not able to. I'm a render, not a mender, I don't HAVE any healing magic!"

She looks at me for a moment. The disappointment in her eyes perfectly mirrors that of Twilight so long ago.

"Then what good are you?" she says finally, before turning away and moving to the next almost dead pony.

I look around at the living and the dead. The one rapidly becoming the other. As tears began to form I force myself to move forward. Nearby I see a rack of aprons that had remained mostly undamaged. I concentrate for a moment and rend them all to to tattered strips. I carry them in the air behind me as I move.

I force myself into detachment as I go from pony to pony. I may not have healing magic, but I know basic first aid as well as emergency field surgery. I had no tools except what I could improvise, but if I could save even one pony I knew I had to at least try. The first one I came to was missing an eye. He had half of a metal salad tong embedded in his shoulder. He was unconscious, but breathing steadily. I was glad he was out. This was going to hurt. I braced my hooves against him holding him down, and pulled the tong free with my magic. I let it bleed for a few moments since I had no way to sterilize the inside of the wound, then I packed it with apron pieces until the bleeding stopped, and bound it as well as the empty eye socket.

I moved onto the next one. She was a waitress, very pretty, but already dead, I shook my head sadly, and moved on. After her was a colt. He barely looked eighteen, an apprentice to a chef by the looks of what was left of his clothing. One leg was at an odd angle, and he had a deep long gash across his chest. He was looking at me and smiling, obviously still in a state of shock.

"Je suis sûr que ce ne est pas aussi mauvais que ça en al'air." He says, grinning like a fool.

"Pas du tout," I say in reply. "Mais garder avec moi pendant que je essaie de vous amener jusqu'à cousus. "

I cast about looking for something I can use as a needle. The goddess must be smiling upon me because I find a whole kit of trussing needles as well as spools of cooking twine of various thickness. I pick the smallest of each, and levitate a bottle of cooking sherry from across the room over to the young colt.

"Excellente. Je ne pouvais vraiment utiliser un verre dès maintenant!" He says.

"Désolé ami, ce ne est pas pour boire. Je crains que cela peut piquer un peu." I say in reply before pouring half the contents across the open wound.

"AHHHH! Putain, ce est pas comment on bénéficie d'un xérès..." he says, before mercifully passing out.

I use some of the sherry on the thread and go to work, making a neat row of close packed stitches across his chest, then I set his broken arm, using two wooden salad spoons as a splint and binding them with apron strips before moving on.

The next victim was a high ranking chef, you could tell by the height of what was left of his hat. It was missing half of the hundred pleats, that smart ass part of my mind that never fully shuts up wondered if that meant he could now only make fifty varieties of eggs. He was breathing heavily and clutching his side, a thin trickle of blood was seeping from his muzzle with every labored breath. I carefully unbuttoned his white double breasted jacket. Raising his undershirt I could see an ugly purple bruise along his side. I gently probed the area eliciting a gasp of pain as I felt around. Three broken ribs, likely punctured a lung. This I could not fix.

"Moonlight, this one needs you!" I shout, "punctured lung, broken ribs."

She looks over at me, her gaze softening somewhat as she sees what I have been doing.

"Switch with me, the ones along this wall were farthest away from the blast." She says as she hurries over. She's smart, she puts me where I can do the most good with what I am able to do.

After thirty agonizing minutes the Helping Hooves finally arrive. They are Luna's emergency response teams. They have their own customized steam buses which contain everything from first aid to field surgery as well as firefighting equipment and water tanks. Close behind them comes the Night Watch. I find the captain of the watch, and show him both my credentials and the writ from the princess. I persuade him to allow us to investigate the source of the blast before they come in with their own team. Whatever objections he may have had were washed away after reading Luna's orders.

It doesn't take a detective to find where the blast originated. It was just behind the kitchen proper in the small break area where the staff had their lockers containing their personal items. The coolers and freezers were on the other side and the thick steel walls insured that the blast was directed outward from here toward the front of the building. Even so the steel of the walls had buckled from the force of the blast attesting to just how strong the explosive was. Needless to say there was almost nothing left intact.

I consider my options. Before I can make a decision however, I decide to check something first.

"Moonlight, what forensic spells do you know?" I ask.

"Caballiopometry, hemotypografry, dactyloscopy, which is useless of course for ponies," she says, "let's see a spell to detect fibrous anomalies, the past/present spell of course, the luminescent fluids spell, also-"

"Past/present spell. Where you can use traces of the remains of a place to show us a vision of what things looked like in the past? That's an extremely complex and difficult spell. You can cast that?" I ask, impressed despite myself, hells I sure couldn't cast it.

"Yes of course. Give me just a moment to prepare." She says her gaze becoming unfocused.

While she is getting ready, I go out and find the captain, and fill him in on what we are about to do. By the time we return, Moonlight is ready. She looks at me and I nod back and she begins the spell. After a few moments a ghostly overlay begins to form about the room we are in. Moonlight wrinkles her brow and the overlay begins to change. It takes me a second to understand what I am seeing. The overly of the room is showing events in reverse. As we watch the explosion moves backwards in on itself. After another moment the blast is sucked in to a familiar looking ring of underground explosives. The same kind that was teleported into my office, only this time there was no Luna here to save anypony. Time inches backwards, and we see the ring vanish, and what looks to be the manager of the restaurant close a locker and then back away from in toward the kitchen an empty box is floating beside him by the magic of his horn.

"Stop that image." I say, as the scene before me comes to a halt. "Now play it forward slowly."

Slowly the manager approaches the locker again and opens the door wide.

"Freeze it." I say again, and the image ceases it's movements.

I walk over behind the image of the manager and peer into the open locker. On the back wall of it is a picture, obviously taken from one of those photo booths. It's a picture of a cream colored earth pony, and beside her with a hoof around her shoulder is Babs. Just like I thought. This was Bab's locker. The manager was probably cleaning it out. Assumed since she hasn't shown up or answered any calls that she must have quit.

I study the contents of the locker as best I can, not being able to touch anything. Her uniform hangs on the inside of the door. On the inner shelf lies a book about archeology. Nothing else in there that I can see. Hold on, there's a business card inside the book being used as a book mark. I snort in frustration, it's too far inside the book to make out anything. But then an idea occurs to me.

"Moonlight, run it forward, just as slow as you can." I say, without bothering to turn around.

The scene creeps forward at a snails pace. Suddenly two small red lights appear at the back of the locker. After a moment I realize that they are from two tiny glowing red eyes, eyes that are not looking at me, but rather at the manager preparing to reach inside the locker. Suddenly the eyes wink out, and a now familiar ring of explosives appear in mid air. Without preamble they explode in a shock wave of slow moving death.

I ignore the disintegrating form of the manager as he comes apart from the blast, instead I focus all my attention on the book in the locker. I'm hoping to get insanely lucky. And for once I do. As the concussive force of the blast impacts against the locker, the book is jarred upwards, the card flies free, and I have less than a second to read it's contents with my photographic memory spell rune before it is atomized along with everything else in the room.

"Okay Moonlight, let it go," I say as her face relaxes and the room returns to normal.

"Well?" The captain asks expectantly, "What have you learned?"

"I'm sorry captain, that's classified at the moment. I'll let your department know as soon as I am able." I say, knowing that this will NOT endear me to the Night Watch.

He scowl's at me, but says nothing as I make my way out of the restaurant. Luna's writ will keep him off my back, which at this point is a very good thing.

"I take it you found a lead?" Moonlight asks, trotting up beside me. "I'll assume that you will be willing to share it with ME at least."

"Of course," I say as we round the corner, heading uptown, away from the carnage.

"It seems Luna wasn't telling me everything." I say, as we come to an empty steam bus stop.

"What do you mean by that?" Moonlight asks, a hint of iron in her voice. Hmm, somepony is very protective of her boss.

"I mean, that Luna never mentioned the fact that she had dealings with Babs." I say in reply.

"What gives you that idea?" She asks, "something you saw in her locker? What was it?"

Before I can answer a steam buss pulls up. It's side emblazoned with a familiar ad. I point to the ad, and smile grimly.

"That." I say.

She looks over at the advertisement. A picture of princess Luna with her hooves around the shoulders of two competent looking scientists. "Night Industries R & D, Keeping your future bright, in the city of night."

"Oh... buck." She mutters.


End file.
